Angry Pao (Chinese dumpling)

Dummy's guide to buying a 2nd hand house

2012-02-14T17:36:00.000+08:00

I just figured since I am struggling to make sense of all these jargons of SnP, DOA, Title, blah blah, I might as well write it down in case I forget them when I become very rich and want to buy 10 houses.

So,

Find out how much money you have and how much money you can loan. You need to know how much budget you can afford for this new property you intend to own.
Shop around for the property.There are plenty of places you can search. My fav is to go to a website 'cos then I can use search option and skip all irrelevant posts.
When you find something you like, make an appointment with the agent/owner and check out the actual property.
Make an Offer. You really like this property and it's going for RM150K. You love it but can only afford RM120K since there are some work you need to carry out. Call up the owner/agent, and offer him the RM120K you have and pray he accepts.
Acceptance. If the owner accepts your offer, it's time to ask them to take the property off the market, negotiate for booking fees. At this point, ask for the Title or DOA from the owner to prove ownership of the unit. Booking fees are usually 3% of the price agreed or less. Make sure you ask the agent or owner, if you would have to withdraw your booking, or in the event that the seller pulls out, then what? under what condition can you take back your booking? Make sure all these are written in the booking receipt.
You now have 21 days to get a lawyer to draft out an S&P. Make sure to request for the following documents as your lawyer will need them to draft out the S&P agreement:

(a) Copies of your previous Sale a& Purchase Agreement and Loan Agreement/Title.
(b) Current year quit rent receipt.
(c) Current year assessment receipt.
(d) Redemption Statement from your bank (if you have charged your house to the bank).
(e) Letter of Undertaking to purchaser's bank to refund purchaser's bank loan released to you in the event the transfer/deed of assignment signed by you in favour of purchaser cannot be registered/is defective.
(f) Income Tax file reference number.

Once a bank agrees to give you a loan and you agree to take it, the bank will send a surveyor to value the property. Get loan offer letter.
Exchange of contracts. Sign S&P agreement pay up remaining balance of 10% of downpayment.You will then need to submit CKHT form 2 (required to be submitted by Vendor and Purchaser to Inland Revenue Department under provisions of the Real Property Gains Tax Act 1976 (Act 169)(RPGT)), owner needs to submit CKHT form1 30 days after signing of S&P.
The property is yours once your lawyer tells you the process is complete and you can take your key.

2012-01-25T13:57:00.000+08:00

Hahaha... I just spent 10 minutes trying to figure out which should be the first line in this post. 'cos there's so much to say and I don't know which to say first.

First of, I think we've pretty much derived the fact that I am not a big family person, I will only go for reunions if it is a MUST, and even then it should not exceed more than once a festival. There are 2 reasons for that. First reason, I really don't like noisy events unless it's a karaoke session or clubbing session where loads of wine and booze are served and I can drink myself silly and party like I'm crazy. Second reason, I come from a family of all girls, currently, during festive seasons, my mom is either left alone at home or alone with just me or my sister if one of us decide to go out and entertain other people, so I don't like that idea 'cos it makes me feel guilty and I feel a sense of sadness everytime that happens. This is the same for all festivities, Christmas, New Year, CNY, etc.

Sadly this year, I kinda broke this whole principle and ended up celebrating Christmas and New Year with B's family. Now, I'm not too happy with that but I figured, it's some of the give and take I have to do once in a while. Then came CNY. Where as I said, I doubt we'll ever come to the conclusion of where reunion dinner would be. So, that hasn't even started to be an issue since I'm not yet married, the other issue started, which is the issue that has been happening every single year, where I demand to be left to stay at home for the first couple of days of the festival and I decide when I'd be heading out. So, I was at his aunty's house on the first day when all I wanted to do was just do my work buying the prayer stuff then head home and hibernate.

Then comes 2nd day where I am needed to make an appearance at his other uncle's house, and his best mate's house, which is probably the more tolerable places since there are no crazy gambling going on almost 24 hrs of the day. Then there's the most dreaded day. The gambling open house. Gosh, how I dread those.

So yea, instead of 1 day per festivities, it has become a minimum of 3 days per festivity. And my house is silent as much as it can 'cos there are no one home except for my elderly mom and probably my sister. Guilt hits hard again.

It is not easy to find someone with the same family values as yours, let alone love your family as much as you love them. I cannot be with someone who doesn't see my pain and just takes what I give and take it for granted.

"I don't need a man who can solve my problems, I just need one that can be side by side with me when I face my problems and not just try to entertain me with entertainment and in the meantime create more problems".

Loving someone is when you would put aside all you want and all you desire to be make that someone happy. I can not do this anymore. I have limited love. I already feel that one side is incapable of giving me back the love I'm putting in, I don't want to feel the same way twice. I'm already incapable of realizing anyting I want to do. Now I can't even find myself being able to focus on loving my mom.

I'm sorry I'll have to let one go.

First day of CNY

2012-01-23T08:45:00.000+08:00

day began with me coming down from my room and again finding mom cleaning the altar with absolutely no clue that it's the new year. I just really want to act that it's a regular day... and forget about reminding her. It's so so frustrating. Why allow the existence of such a disease? why the endurance of torture with no free will involved? where's the love?

Different meanings of CNY

2012-01-22T23:51:00.000+08:00

Call me daft... but I just realized how different every CNY means to every single individual. To some, it's purely the time of the year they get the license to gamble... mahjong, poker, blackjack, you name it...

To some, it's a time for decorations and marveling of decors and comparing with your neighbors who had the nicest decor. Then there are those who are looking forward to it because it's the time to see those family members whom you might not have had the opportunity to meet at other times. For most kids, it's angpow time and new clothes time.

For me, it's as simple as the time that I'm glad mom is still around to get pass CNY. She can hardly remember what CNY is, or what she needs to do, she no longer wakes up to ask if it's a special occasion. I'm very sad about that. I wish I don't have to tell her what CNY preparations we do every year, or that she needs to prepare angpow... and I wish I didn't have to remind her that it's CNY for the 200th time. Or that I have to watch her eat otherwise she'd just say she can't finish her rice and leave the dining table with just 2 scoops of rice. I really wish none of this will have to happen. But it is happening.

I'm depressed about it and I really wish there was someone I can confide in who would understand what I was going thru. But I don't know such a person.

So here I am wishing you a much Better and Happier Chinese New Year !!!

Saddest CNY?

2012-01-20T20:34:00.001+08:00

I don't remember the last time I felt so down in the dumps... my moodswings are so massive I think if there was a chart it'd look like a Japan vs US pair in forex.

There are so much I'm feeling overwhelmed with this year... Most significantly my mom's sudden drop in memory, suddenly turning my sister and I to completely take over all preparations, the fight with Dom about whose house to have reunion dinner with after we're married, which, by the way still doesn't have a definitive answer.

Wai Leng and all the other sisters are basically hopeless in taking care of mom and yet she had the nerve to come over and start claiming things to be taken by her when mom passes... She sounded half joking but I sincerely think it was serious. I hate families... I hate people. I don't know why God created us when he knew so well we'd be such a disgusting species.

I'm fat and getting fatter and uglier by the day... my job is just exactly what I don't want to do since the day I began working in my life, and it looks like it's set for the worst...

And there you have people in my life that couldn't give a hoot about other people, with the whole life a game, never had to worry a day about having to take care of other people OR could probably be completely unaware of anyone in dire needs.

I so wish that my life was a computer and it can just be shut down and all will just go on as usual with just less 1 computer. And this computer can just completely disintegrate and disappear.

I don't like what CNY has become

2012-01-17T22:25:00.000+08:00

...especially in my family.

Reunion dinner with just 3 person, 2 out of 6 siblings not gonna be around for a CNY celebration...

Is this what a family is?

First Brazilian wax experience

2012-01-12T18:08:00.000+08:00

It was a bit scary and I had no clue what to expect other than loads of pain in the nether region.

First thing was, I was directed to the bathroom where I wash myself with feminine wash... then i change into the tube baju given and head to the room.

I made sure I told the consultant, this is my first time... so I'm scared. do excuse me if I scream. She was very helpful and proceeded to recommend bikini waxing instead of full on Brazilian.I was stubborn, I told her nope it's ok, I'll go with full Brazilian.

The first strip was upper thigh to the joint to my lower half... Pain was 4/10... not so bad... it's only when it came to the area with the most hair that I had to scream. of course the labia is also damn painful... Pain was 7/10. It was a bit agonizing 'cos there were multiple parts to strip which means you'll have to do it again after every shock of pain u go thru.

Good thing is, they were pro and the pain subsided as soon as it was done. Will I do it again? I'm still thinking about it.

The place is 3S Beauty, No. 6G, Jln 22A/70A Plaza Crystalville 2, Desa Sri Hartamas.

CNY Eve dinner dishes list

2012-01-04T23:31:00.000+08:00

This would've been a really good CNY Eve dinner list... sadly, if I made this much of food, 3/4 of it'd go into the 'choi keok' following week. Anyhows, this is what I wish I can make for CNY eve every year.

1. Siew Yoke
2. Chicken tom yam/sweet and sour
3. Butter / marmite Prawn
4. Pork trotters
5. Chap Chai Choi
6. Seong tong Yin Choi
7. Lin ngao Soup
8. Fish
9. Vegetarian Fish

2012-01-04T17:14:00.000+08:00

Perhaps life really should be shorter for me. Honestly, the longer I live I think the more I'd sin, so why not just end it here and now so that I have no worse sins to commit than I already have? Seriously, why not? Why us? why me? Why her?

Interviews

2011-12-27T09:08:00.000+08:00

I never understood why the heck would people request for your PMR certs when you're 32 years old and looking for a job that requires you to have 10 years of working experience. Does it really matter if I got bad results in PMR? does it really affect my ability to work?

And in addition to that to ask you to fill in that stupid hiring form when they can get the exact information that you'll be filling in from the CV that you've already sent them. Why this cumbersome process? Why make extra work and kill more trees? Damn!

Christmas Day 2011

2011-12-25T23:40:00.000+08:00

As I'm supposedly winding down from all the hustle and bustle from the stress of preparing apple strudels for yesterday's Christmas eve dinner, here I am today trying very hard to not get upset with the pointless conversations I have with my elderly mom. It's not that I don't like having conversations with her. See, with her Alzheimer's slowly deteriorating (very slowly, Thanking God for that), her conversations are getting repetitive... sometimes it gets bad to the point where she doesn't remember the conversation within the next 3 minutes.

Her ability to listen to your reply is also reducing as these conversations are just conversations that's playing in her head. It always feels like she doesn't really care about your answers... ever. So do I continue trying to have a conversation with her or do I just nod and say ah... to everything she says? Will it in anyway contribute to her deterioration? It gets extremely frustrating for me and for her. She's upset why her memories have to go. She laughs at her own jokes that no one else is getting and it's a very depressing situation.

I try to be happy this Christmas, but I just can't. That peace I had when I first got baptized is somehow lost in me now. I'm getting angrier, sadder as I type. I am starting to lose faith... I am starting to doubt. I no doubt believe he has given me lots of good things. But why do others receive so much more? If we're not meant to compare, why make it different? Why not make us all equal? If we're not meant to believe in luck, then why make us have different fortunes? Why make some of us rich and have not a single worry in our lives while some others suffer and worry if there will be food on the table?

Winter Solstice 2011

2011-12-24T01:00:00.001+08:00

As one of the most western Chinese festival, winter solstice is ALWAYS on 22nd Dec. And this year, I made roast chicken instead of the usual steam chicken that mom makes.

Ingredients I used was a simple Chinese marinade for an average sized whole chicken (not free range):

1/2 cup of oyster sauce
3tbsp of soya sauce
1/2 cup of honey
3 cloves of garlic
3tbsp of black pepper
1tbsp of sugar

Marinade for 1 day.

Preheat oven to 200C. Then put chicken in. Roast for 20 minutes, turn the chicken over and roast for another 20 minutes, when turn over, bask chicken with leftover marinade. Finally turn chicken over one more time and roast for another final 35 minutes.

I made it in my halogen oven first 20minutes was on high rack and extender ring, then it's no rack and no extender ring for the rest of the time.

Tong Yuens were really pretty this year too, wasted I didn't snap any pictures of those. We had green, pink and white. Next year I'll buy yellow too. Oh and this year, I made ginger soup to go with the tong yuen. BUT the tong yuens didn't taste that good 'cos the insides didn't cook too good.

Back to work... for awhile

2011-12-19T21:19:00.000+08:00

Over my break, as I said, I didn't really get much of a proper break. Everyday was spent taking my mom out for lunch, dinner, breakfast sometimes and cooking, cleaning up things at home, rushing over to Dom's place, then rush back home again, buy flowers for my porch. That about sums it all.

Then today is the first day I'm officially back to the office to work for 2 days then to go back on leave again for 1 week til new year arrives. Looking forward to the fact that I don't have to work, but not entirely looking forward to the stuff I have to do at home. Which, reminds me that Wahid, an Indonesian dude introduced by Adrian will be coming over to check out the roof tomorrow, I hope he can fix it with a good price.

I had 3 presents today, 1 from Yvonne all the way from HK, then there was a nice coke can glass from Preman taken from the Olympian Night that I missed, and I had mangosteen from Azmy's dad's orchard. Nice nice nice...then came actual work and my mood swung reallll bad... screamed at Slamet for not telling me that Grandstand wasn't using the sponsors items 'cos it wasn't available. All sorts of communication breakdown seem to be happening and it's getting really frustrating. After that called him and apologized for the outburst but sent out an e-mail requesting all producers to please let me know if anything is not right with the wardrobe (then I think about it, I don't even wanna be here any longer, what does it matter).

Then I got a call for an interview but I can't even hear which company it was ... So I'm supposed to meet with them next week Wednesday, I hope it's something worthwhile. I still haven't received her e-mail which she claims she will be sending me. hmmm... so fingers crossed.

I long for a true break...

The Roof Job

2011-12-19T20:58:00.003+08:00

Having been on leave for the last 2 weeks hasn't exactly refreshed me, contrary to popular beliefs and also Grace's belief. She said I look freshened up. I'm still as tired as ever.


Con-men's card

For the last 2 weeks, I was staying home, trying to get someone to come and fix my sister's roof which strangely proved to be almost impossible without help. For a while I thought it was God sent that this company called Kim Wee dropped their card to my house (I know, only con companies do that) But out of desperation, I decided to go against my experience attained thru many encounters with similar cons and call them to come over to take a look at it. It says quotation free, so how bad can it be right? WRONG! A Mr. Wee came, went up the roof, moved my tiles and then stood on the roof and spoke to me with my head tilted to the sky with the sun in my eyes.

The conversation was like this:

Wee: Wah, who do for you this roof? the waterproofing was not done right, and where got people set the aircond compressors on the roof without anything below it one? if the area was flooded it'd the aircond will spoil and burn one! Then ah, don't use your lights and cables wor... if the water is seeping thru the concrete roof, it can be in the walls with your cables too. To fix this for long term ah, need to fix the whole roof and we guarantee you 3 years... RM2,600 only!

Me: (Trying to surpressed my pissed and "you think I stoopid" look). Oh like that ah, let me think about it la

Wee: huh... want to think meh, water coming into the house already still want to think ah? RM2,600 only mah not very expensive... Some more we 'pao' with the aluminium slabs so guarantee no leak one...

Me: Ya, I still have to think about it... you're quoting me RM2.6k not RM2.60. We don't have RM2,600.

Wee: oh like that ah, how much is your budget?

Me: (Don't really feel like nego-ing 'cos I don't like him already and feel he's absolutely dishonest in his quotation) No la, I need to consult the owner of the room.

(mind you this whole conversation was had with him crouching at my roof refusing to get off, which I found absolutely ANNOYING)

Wee: wah like that meh? you ask me to come u sure got budget one mah...

Me: No lo... I never fix before, how I know how much to budget? but since it's so expensive I don't want to fix lo. (then he pesters some more so I just simply say less than RM1,000)

Wee: RM1,000 can la... I do for you only the side that's leaking with aluminium slabs also. Plus I show you the waterproofing compound we use. This is the genuine one! Come I show you.

Then we went to his car parked outside my house.Check out the compound (honestly at this point, I didn't really give a shit on what he has to say 'cos my con alarm was ringing non-stop and I just wanted him out of my house).

Me: oh.. I'll think about it la...

Wee: huh... no need to think la.. like this la... RM700, I paint a layer onto the leaking roof, don't put aluminium la... but no guarantee la this one.

Me: I'll think about it.

Wee: don't think la, if you do now then I don't have to go back up to cover back the tiles and all...

Me: No. I'll need to consult owner of room

Wee: You call her/him now la...

Me: Cannot, he working

Wee: huh can still call one mah...

Me: Nope, he told never to call when he's working

Wee: then you pay for him first la... later only u claim back from him

Me: No la... I scared he dowan pay me back.

Wee: Oh like that ah, I go put back the tile first la then (while he's walking in, he's still mumbling and trying to force me to say yes).

Until he got up there, he was still hesitant to put back my tiles. Again, squatted at the edge and tried to continue forcing me to say yes. Then, it came,

Wee: if you don't do now, you have to claim from your room owner for the checking fee (even though he was saying it, he didn't really wanna be direct about it).

Me: (I flared up) you pack back my tiles you come down then we talk.. and I walked to the other side. He looked disappointed.

When he came down I made sure I quickly ushered him out the door, then he said, oh our company charges checking fee one but if you decide to fix it later we refu....(right here before he finished, I screamed)

Me: This is called a con-job! you people said on your card free quotation and now you charging me checking fee?! How much?

Wee: RM80... not like I came here myself to purposely con you, this is the procedure of the company.

Me: THIS IS A FUCKING CON-JOB! don't bother explaining you guys a fucking cons!

Wee: don't make it sound like I'm conning you, you called me to come one and this is company policy

Me: Yea right! You think I'm stupid ah?! Free quotation? BULLSHIT! YEA company policy then say out loud loud la... your company's name and call them a con! Never mind! RM80 I give you... (Mom screams out: Yea eat it and die la ... or something like that). Yea... No need to talk already you are a bloody con, I don't talk to cons... Get lost! GO! Don't waste my time!

and God forbid, they dare to call me 2 days later to follow up and see if I wanna proceed with my fix... obviously Mr. Wee never told her what I scolded him with huh... then I told her... you guys are cons, I am BLARDY unhappy with you guys and I will NEVER give you any business... THE STUPID WOMAN ON THE PHONE CAN STILL SAY: OH WE NEVER SAY EVERYTHING WILL BE FREE MAH..

I noticed that they've been dropping their cards in PJ area as well, so if you see it, make sure you dump it into the dustbin fast enough.

The week that was supposed to be a holiday

2011-12-14T16:23:00.001+08:00

Am told that Colombo trip is off due to the reason that I am to be moved to be part of media sales therefore if I was to go on training it should be under media sales and not arena. So basically my career life is on hold while they decide what to do with me. Which I think is utter bullshit. There has been no official letter for my move, all I got was channel manager and finance manager talk to me in the room. So what about my review? Will it by the new division or my existing boss? I think this is really unfair. I'm still sitting where I am, with no official letter stating my move and I've already lost my training opportunity?

I started on my protein diet yesterday on December 12, not feeling much different only having a hard time to get food when I go out to eat... not much choice. oh well, at least now I don't have to worry about not having only meat to eat in Colombo. Bye bye sarees...

Hairy o Hara

2011-11-29T01:08:00.000+08:00

I've never really knew how hard it was gonna be to find a good hairstylist to cut my hair after I completely lost touch of where my previous BRILLIANT stylist, Jeff of Fusion disappeared to. I knew, I'll never find one nearly as brilliant but, the recent guy, a crappy 'stylist' from Monsoon-ID Tropicana, just gave me a whole new perspective.

I mean, have you no pride? Oh, wait! maybe there was too much of it. So much that you find it so hard to stomach when a customer requests for a hairstyle and you don't dare to tell her that you have no freaking clue how it's done and accept defeat? NO... you'll all never do that 'cos your freaking ego would go down the drain, and frankly, you might even lose your job. To be fair, this guy was not the first stylist that gave me this same conversation another guy in SNIPS did the same. The scenario was always the same...

I search day and night for a hairstyle I like like:

Then I go to the salon, walk in let them choose me a stylist. Then I sit down and wait. Conversation is always quite similar.

Stylist: Hi, so, what can I do for you today?
Me: Oh, I'd like to chop off my hair into something more stylish.
Stylist: Oh, that's a waste, your hair is so long. How would you like it cut?
Me: Well, I've been looking and I think a hair similar to this (shows picture) would be great! Although I'll need your help in seeing if that's suitable for my fat face.. hehe...
Stylist: hmm... you know there's not much of a cut there. All these are just styling, it's just a bob. I can show you.
Me: err... are you sure? cos it doesn't look like a bob... I mean yea it may be similar to a bob but, the amount of layering and probably straightening abit may be what's making it look different?
Stylist: Oh, trust me, it's just the way it's styled.
Me: (Tak puas but just keep quiet and let him do his work)

-Stylist cuts hair and almost ends with a blow-

Me: err... this doesn't look like the picture, it's too long/short, funny length, it's curling out/I don't like it.
Stylist: (now all sorts of stupid excuses will come) You're just not used to it, you'll like it after awhile/ yea your hair texture makes it look a little different / this length is good 'cos if I cut the sides then the back will be out of shape.

-Stylist will insist on styling my hair the way he likes it, which usually makes me either look like a mushroom or some 40 yr old woman out of the 1980s... then I pay and walk out fuming then swear to never go back there again-

So, I would really like to leave a note to all you stupid stylist wannabes:

"Could you do us all a favor, and change your profession? 'cos you obviously suck. I'm not hellbent into having that same haircut I showed you. That was a guide, you're supposed to recommend styles that suit my face. AND NO! It's not because I'm not used to the 'style' you gave me... BUT SIMPLY BECAUSE IT'S UGLY! I honestly would appreciate stylists that can honestly tell you, babe, your face and that style you chose, can't work, you know what, let me show you something that would... then you proceed. Don't just freaking say things like... oh it's a simple cut then proceed to do some half-assed job and then try to make it seem like my fault that I don't like what you did to my pretty hair!"

What a shame

2011-11-21T00:16:00.000+08:00

Not only did I have to travel over 90 minutes to a wedding in a superbly secluded supposed GORGEOUS resort (which I only found ok-lah) BUT the song that was playing in my head after the wedding was this

I think it's tragic. 'cos I always thought only the best girls tend to be stupid enough to go for a player guy 'cos they're delusional enough to think they're capable of changing him... it seems the situation is reversed nowadays?

Sigh... what is the world coming to? How does anyone think this is ok? I mean, screwing around a week before your wedding... really? tragic... sad... disgusting... sigh... whatever la... I know I'll never call her my friend... I'm sorry, yea I'm being prejudiced... but I can't accept... really. I wish I was more accepting but I think I'd prefer to accept a leper. I think they're more deserving of love than people like this.

Oh and the best part, a fuck buddy as a guest in your wedding? woah... that's a whole new level man! Can't take it... I'm sorry. I hope I don't ever have to see these people ever please, thanks.

Living the life of the Average Joe - Such as I

2011-10-27T21:51:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I think I have a strange mix of friends. But all in all, they're something. There's the divas, the princesses, the forever blessed, the emo monkeys, the oblivious and so on, but however a personality they are like, they are ... a personality... they're all GREAT at something. Talking to one of them today actually made me realized something.

Do I really want to live like average me for the rest of my life. Do I not have hope for greatness in the future? I mean, I'm 31 this year and 32 next year, the future isn't many more decades to go... is it too late? I mean, I've always wanted to be a singer, or a DJ, or a host. I've ALWAYS wanted to be in front of the camera and on TV. Yet, my fear of making a fool of myself and lack of confidence will never allow me to find success in these careers.

And so the best I can do is be the people that does the work behind the scenes... even then... I never knew where to start. I thought being in advertising would help me get there, sadly my inability to make friends with those who counts in the industry somehow didn't help me get to where I wanted to go either.

Now I'm 32, a failing sales person for a channel I myself will never watch...pretty good at digital ideas, but company doesn't need this skill, pretty good at making proposals but they need someone to make sales not proposals. So, after 10 years, I'm still pretty good at everything I do. Pretty good in even things I don't want to do. So I'd say I'm gifted in a sense? But perhaps just I wish that I am not gifted in everything but only things I like? and to be tremendously gifted in total?

I really don't like being an average Joe or a Jack of all trades. In fact I HATE it. What's my achievement so far? hmmm... does nothing count for something?

The wonders of life

2011-08-15T13:07:00.001+08:00

The events of yesterday and today, got me thinking.

I've been celebrating over a dozen babies' birth for d past couple of months thanks to friends who all so happen to have babies this very year... Its like God is creating his own little league this year. Seriously, I've not witnessed as many babies being delivered in a year in my life than this year.

But yesterday was a day of a different form of deliverance. My friend, A's dad passed after a long battle with the big C. He's a hero for me for having fought so long just like my own papa. I'm sure she's devastated to have watched him suffer like that for so long, and probably heave a sigh of relief as he leaves this world and returns to God. No pain can touch him now.

As I absorb the joy of 2 more babies borne to my colleagues' family, I also struggle to hide the sadness of being reminded of my own dad's demise. Its been over 20 years since he left, but I still miss him. The pampering only a dad can give to his daughter can never be replaced.

Which got me wondering, why do we feel so much joy in welcoming a baby, and so much sorrow sending a loved one? Shouldn't it be the other way?

A baby is borne innocent and pure, to come into this world to most probably be brought to temptation then sin, and go thru life's hardship then hopefully make it back to God in one piece and acceptable to Him. And we celebrate that? Hmmmm are we a tad sadistic?

Then we cry when our loved ones, triumphantly (considering he didn't die getting shot for holding some hostage or robbing someone at gunpoint) leaves us back to our Father? And it's not tears of joy. So peculiar are our emotions. Don't you think?

Sent by DiGi from my BlackBerry® Smartphone

Gloomy despite the sun

2011-08-12T09:37:00.001+08:00

As I walked from the car to my office, I can't help but wonder why, under that beautiful sun that's shining so brightly, all I feel is sadness.

How can I just enjoy the feeling of having the sun on my skin, the breeze, and the chirping birds that occasionally shit on me.

I have completely forgotten what the word enjoy means. Every cell in my body is just crying... No tears, except in my eyes. But each part of me is in continuous sorrow. A sorrow I can no longer explain in words and can only sob in silence.

Don't ask me why I'm sad. Don't suggest that I should fix it. Perhaps I've been trying to fix it for so long, and that's not what should be done. Perhaps I need to embrace this sorrow, and just be in solitude to understand it more. Perhaps all I need is silence to see what I really need.
Sent by DiGi from my BlackBerry® Smartphone

I feel sorry for them

2011-08-11T16:29:00.001+08:00

It's appallingly real that there are idiots out there who are dumb enough to not see that the Bersih rally is completely different from the London riots. So I figured I'd just put it in point forms in case the dumb people can't seem to understand long sentences. So here are the differences I came up with that small tiny puny brain of mine.

1. The event name. Bersih is a rally. The riot in London is a riot.
According to the Oxford dictionary,
Rally means: a demonstration, march, or parade
Riot means: a violent disturbance of the peace by a crowd, an uproar

2. Activities in the 2 events:
Bersih participants were marching and chanting. The most violent they did was run from the cops who were chasing after them with batons and handcuffs and some with water canons laced with chemical and tear gas. Some even smiled and handed flowers to other members. The best part, at the end of the rally, many shook hands with the officers and said thanks.

In London, apparently what sparked the riot was a woman who pushed her way into the cops screaming at them for an answer. Once they apprehended her, the mob started torching cars, throwing firebombs into police stations, broke glass windows of every shop in their way and started looting. YET, no water canon was used. I'm not saying the cops in London are angels, they have their failures too.

3. The reason
Well, this one is a little similar but not really that similar either. The demonstration started because a black man was believed to have been shot dead unjustly. We had countless of similar issues like this and yet, we never made a sound. There are also beliefs that Tottenham is so poor and ignored they see no other way of getting the attention of the politicians and the public. They feel oppressed. They want attention. Reason? 'cos even when they had peaceful rallies, they were ignored.

Bersih rally was about justice too. But that's where the similarity ended. Bersih was about making sure that the citizen's right to choose was protected. Bersih was about fair and clean elections. No more phantom voters, no more unfair campaigning. It's about loving your own country and wanting it to be what you once knew it was. That was the sentiment of the participants of Bersih.

4. Patriotism.
Bersih is asking for the return of a clean and fair country. That's love for the country.
London riot is asking for attention to a group of people marginalized. Not sure if they still loved UK. But they certainly is not doing this for the better good of the rest of the country.

5. Participants
As much as UMNO would like to paint it as a Malay vs. Malay rally and tried to incite racism and painting the rally into a bad picture, those who participated and those who knows them has repeatedly mentioned in all their personal tweets and facebook accounts "I've never felt more Malaysian than today. Malay, Chinese and Indians all holding hands together walking. Helping each other up regardless of race or religion." And the best part is, the participants are mostly made up of executive working individuals who has not even an inch of violent bone in them. (I know 'cos I know quite a few of my female colleagues who were there). These were mothers, fathers and good friends.

In the London riot, majority of the participants and opportunists that started to burn cars, break windows and stole from others are youngsters. between the ages of 10-22. I wasn't there and I don't know anyone there... but from the scenes on TV, most are males out to create chaos.

6. Who initiated the violence

In the Bersih rally, we saw clearly in some videos posted, cops were hurling racist remarks like "Melayu bodoh" to the participants trying to get the participants riled up. It was also VERY CLEAR that the participants were just walking and chanting when water cannons and tear gas was fired.

In the London riot, the rioters started hurling firebombs, and torching of things the very moment the opportunity arised. Until today, the looting is still going on.

Don't try to defend by saying our cops were so efficient at curbing the violence that COULD have begun with their tear gas and water canons. Trust me, with that big a mob, unless they they mowed them down with a tank, IF they really wanted to be violent and started hitting cops, they can. So don't even for once think our cops were great. All they did was bullying peaceful citizens. Give them the UK rioters, they'd be shitting in their fucking pants!

Having said that, it's also important to note that not all cops are twats. There are quite a number who were empathetic to the rally participants and didn't raise a finger to hurt them. I've personally met quite a few cops I fully respect for their helpfulness and kindness (eg. when I got mugged and car accidents). Those are true cops. Now, if only we can get more of those instead of the ones that likes to stop and bully bike riders near my house.

Shortage of Electricians

2011-08-11T10:56:00.002+08:00

There's a serious shortage of electricians in Malaysia I tell you.

For the past 2 months I've called 2 different electricians to come to my house and fix some of my wirings. Both FFK'ed saying they have wayyyy too much work and can't find the time to come to my house.

Then I go online looking for a pointer of finding another electrician and still I find no one... and only found 1 name. After long long search and many forums....

perhaps I'm not meant to do wat I am talented or think i'm talented in?

2011-08-10T23:41:00.002+08:00

Everyone is born with a certain talent. regardless of how talentless you really think you are, you are sure to have 1 talent. Some, with the help of their parents or environment, find out what that 1 talent is at a very young age. Some, like me, do not discover what our true talent is even after half our lives have passed.

I used to look at my friends with envy, one was a vocal talent, another was a dancer, then there was the pianist. See, I was talented in school (i think) 'cos I did well in classes, especially subjects like Maths and Science I was never 1st in class but I was never out of the top 10, or so I remember. So it's natural that the school puts me into the science stream when i reached senior high (form 4). But I didn't want any of that. I wasn't interested. I believed I was artistically inclined too, I just haven't found which one I'm most talented in. I can dance, I can sing, I even wrote a song.

What I wanted to do was to go into literature. The language, beauty, things that cannot be calculated by figures and numbers. I didn't want to be a nerd. So, I insisted in moving into the Arts stream instead. I struggled. I got a 6 for my English Literature paper, never took art classes 'cos I can't draw if my life depended on it. So basically I was a failure in the things I chose. You know, I did pretty well for form 5 actually, scoring 4As and 5Cs. The As being from English, Maths, Science and some other nerdy subject. It even earned me a place in Form 6.

I skipped Form 6, 'cos I didn't wanna waste 1 and 1/2 years in school abiding stupid rules like no metal headbands and so on... while having no guarantee that I will get into a local U even if I had straight As (which I also had no confidence of achieving).

So I rode with the tide and headed into a then most popular IT college in the country, APIIT. Did great the first year, passed the papers and projects with flying colors! Yup, even programming didn't seem to stop me. But, having a very Chinese blood flowing in my veins, I told myself, you're not gonna make it if you don't learn some biz to go with your programming talent. Then, I found myself in the Business IT Higher Dip. Where, I did OK, 'cos in there, I realized that Business in IT is really a whole load of CRAP. None of the things learnt that year was usable at work EVER. It was just a load of cock stories thrown in to teach you how to write more cock stories.

Then comes final year. The Degree year. The Internet was all the craze and I loved networking (not the human kind) and all it's cables and IP addresses and so on. I tore down machines to reconnect back the wires, loved learning about what RJ45 cables do differently from coaxial and was all in awe learning about how Fibre optic cables worked. sigh... that was IT heaven for me. So I went into Degree in Computing: Internet technology.

Did pretty well, except for the programming part, which I hated by the way. But I made it thru, with a Degree in hand I came out into the society thinking I could be one of those rare girls that'll make it in the hardware department of an IT company. Went for countless interviews. Got turned away 'cos they thought I look too gentle for the job, they didn't believe I could climb into the aircond vents to fix cables.

So the only first job I managed to get was with my bro-in-law as a temp, then headhunter, and then a programmer. Remember I hated programming? But after 3-4 months of temping without a job that has anything to do with what you studied, you kinda panic. So I stuck to it, programming. For 2 years, hardly an amazing programmer but the beauty of it is, even if you suck, as long as the software worked, no one really cared how it looks like behind. Even if you have to do loads of debugging after it's gone LIVE....

In these 2 years, there's been compliments about how I present myself so much better than an average programmer, talks of wanting me to be a pre-sales and help sell a program instead of creating it surfaced. Only to have the person talking resign and gone to another company. Then I figured, if 2 of the top sales people in the company thought I was good enough to get out of programming, I probably am. So I packed my bags and told my programming boss sayonara, I'm not coming back.

Pre-sales was easy. I had the technical knowledge, I had the presentation skills, I flew with high confidence. What I didn't have was a solid company to work for. The company folded in 3 years. About 2 months before I resigned.

The pre-sales job wasn't fully pre-sales. I had to do marketing leaflets, was thrown into a sales role for a while, did a bit of admin job. But it was alright 'cos I liked my core responsibility. When I got out and searched for a 2nd pre-sales job, I found out that not many companies see the value of a pre-sales. They practically get the pre-sales to do the sales job too. Which is a NONO for me. "No more cold calling" was my slogan then.

Again with no luck on getting a pre-sales job, a friend got me into his company looking for a content manager role. I was to go around getting musical, mobile, movie contents for an entertainment system. Sounds like an easy thing to do, only that I realized during the job, that all these providers are ARSEHOLES. If your product is unknown, even if you promised to promote their contents, they'll just say thank you very much smile and say bye.

Spent a year there, having the last few months, doing some project management instead of contents, cos no one wanted to give us contents. Then was told there was an EXCITING opportunity in the form of an Account Manager in an advertising agency. And I don't even know what an account manager is.

Although crazy hours and lots of angry bitching sessions, those were the happiest days of my working life. There was so much love, so much hate, so much anger but miraculously it never became a personal thing, except the love part. 'cos right now, I'm still pretty tight with those I worked with. But it was too tiring after a while and I started to burn out, and one by one the people contributing to my happiness was leaving, and the crazy hours and unappreciating clients were just that, with no satisfaction in tow anymore. No longer looked forward to half past six jobs 'cos we were told not to be creative. Work became meaningless again.

Then came countless of temp contractual jobs, doing marketing. None of the employers understood what marketing is, and even if they did, they had this sickening personality that I felt if I hung around longer, I would be infected and turn into psychopath maniac that would poison their drinks so I can skip hearing them boasting about their every achievement and then claiming they're humble while taking the "greater than thou" stance. I could literally puke disgust into their faces.

So I left, running out of this hypocrite planet to a role I wasn't sure I wanted but to a man I wanted to be my boss. A man who made the road look bright again partly because of that trust in his beaming eyes and that sincerity in his offer. Then in September last year, he left the world... completely. I'm left with a role I am growing to hate, a new boss that could not seem to tell me what he wants me to do, or if I can do what I want to do and a complete loss of hope at where I am or what I'm doing now.

I think I've discovered a role that the company desperately needs and I believe I'm talented enough to work on. Which I have spoken to the bosses and also presented my ability to work on. They're taking to damn long to tell me what's going on and what I'll be doing.

10 years of searching... I'm so tired...

1 man departments

2011-08-01T15:08:00.000+08:00

I'm not sure if it's just me, my luck or is this 80% of the jobs available in the market. How companies like to hire a manager to run a department that is made up of hmm....... 1 person. Somehow or rather, I'm always a manager of such jobs. No staff, expected to plan, run and promote the department. It's probably good the first time round but after the 4th job like this, I honestly can't take it anymore...

I'm thinking I don't hate my job anymore. I just hate being in a job. So I am going to stop looking for a job and figure out what else is there to do to make money without being in a job?

sigh... this is just FUCKING SHITLOADS OF SHIT. Who came out with jobs anyways. SCREW HIM!

1st Attempt on an orange chiffon cake in a Halogen Oven

2011-07-15T09:52:00.000+08:00

Orange Chiffon Cake:

4 medium-sized eggs, separated

1 1/8 cups sifted cake flour

0.75 cups (150 grams) sugar

1/2 tablespoon baking powder

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/4 cup (60 ml) vegetable oil or safflower oil

3/8 cup (90 ml) freshly squeezed orange juice (1 large Navel Oranges)

1 tablespoons (10 grams) orange zest

1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

3/8 teaspoon cream of tartar

1) Separate the eggs and place the whites in one bowl and the yolks in another. Cover with plastic wrap and bring them to room temperature (about 30 minutes). 2) Preheat the oven at full power for 2 minutes and have ready a 9 inch baking pan.
3) Use your electric mixer, fitted with the paddle attachment, place the flour, sugar (minus 3 tablespoons (42 grams)), baking powder, and salt. Beat until combined. Make a well in the center of the flour mixture and add the egg yolks, oil, orange juice, orange zest, and vanilla extract. Beat about one minute or until smooth.
4) In a separate bowl, with the whisk attachment, beat the egg whites until foamy. Add the cream of tartar and continue to beat until soft peaks form. Gradually beat in the remaining 3 tablespoons (42 grams) of sugar and beat until stiff peaks form. With a large rubber spatula, gently fold the egg whites into the batter just until blended.
5) Pour the batter into the ungreased pan and bake for about 90 minutes @ 150C then 30 minutes @ 170C, or until a wooden skewer inserted into the center of the cake comes out clean. (When lightly pressed the cake will spring back). Immediately upon removing the cake from the oven invert the pan and place on a bottle or flat surface so it is suspended over the counter. Let the cake cool completely before removing from pan (about 1 1/2 - 2 hours).

To remove the cake from the pan, run a long metal spatula around the inside of the tube pan and center core. Invert onto a greased wire rack.

Mine turned out a tad heavy and didn't get that spongey texture. gonna try again.

Trapped

2011-06-11T00:25:00.000+08:00

I think I have started to understand why I have this permanent depression going on...

I feel trapped. I'm always feeling trapped in all angles. I'm trapped at work, I'm trapped at home, I'm trapped when I go out, I'm trapped doing almost every single thing I'm doing.

Hell, I'm trapped so long, I never knew what else is there that I would be doing if I wasn't doing what I was trapped to do. I long for freedom, but I can never tell you what that freedom is... 'cos I don't know what I wanna do anymore. There are just way to many things I may think I want to do but they are not. Life, all in all feels like an obligation. and that is all it is. My best times is when I'm asleep, basically when I'm not alive.

Perhaps my freedom will only come when I am dead? Maybe then I may know what freedom really is.

Weak antibody

2011-06-07T15:28:00.000+08:00

I'm sick again, not sure if it's the stress or depression that's causing it. Or was it a virus passed over from Bambu. All I know is everytime after he falls sick and recovers, I fall sick. usually worse...

So, here I am at home hiding under a sweater having downed at least 1 whole liter of water the last 2 hours. Having at the back of my head, 20 tasks from work undone. Sigh... and I rather use the time to update my blog? I'm definitely sick til my brain is getting fried. I still owe my boss a quotation and 20 other people the same.

My nose is stuck, my head is heavy and my skin folds are itching, including my fingers. And it is time for me to hit the sack for a couple of hours. Missing bambu and hoping he has an enjoyable and productive work trip to the land of the Lion in the south. :D

Good evening for now....

1st Chinese movie after Detective Dee

2011-05-26T00:03:00.001+08:00

I just finished watching "Pigeon Stool". The title literally means a police informer. Well, it started interesting enough playing with emotions. The whole show was perpetually in darkness, everyone is depressed. The guys in the show gets thrown around alot and the ladies are all from broken family thrown into prostitution 'cos someone owes the triad boss money. As the show goes on, you just get more depressed, 'cos you realized that these shows never have happy endings. Everyone will either die or live an extremely depressed life forever. Oh, and every character has to personally see a loved one die a horrible death. Adds to the drama I think. *Rolls eyes.

Now, I won't mask my prejudice on HK movies. Like Hindi movies, they're really good for certain people, but maybe just not me. I won't dwell into Hindi movies 'cos I've never really sat thru one before. But Chinese movies, I have sat thru enough. Having a dad who worked in the cinemas meant I had unlimited access of movies in that cinema. And yes, it was a Chinese movie cinema, so I literally breathe HK movies when I was a kid til my dad retired.

But sad to say, I have not seen any improvement in HK movies since those days and have been repeatedly disappointed by each of the Chinese shows I have tried watching since the 21st century, except maybe "Infernal Affairs". Others, just felt either, too dark, too depressing, too slapstick or too gross. There hasn't been a single movie from HK industry that had me going woah, that was deep, hilarious, touching, so impressive, sexy or anything.

I mean look at the comedies... I feel depressed watching them. Why? 'cos it just tells me that Chinese people have no natural sense of humor. All the jokes in each of the comedies are fart jokes, sexist jokes, boob jokes, slapstick jokes and so on. Can there not be simple comedies that doesn't involve anyone focusing the camera into the boobs or dicks or hitting anyone in the face and falling of stairs or scantily clad girls that somehow found a reason to appear in the show? (this kind of comedy is no thanks to the genius that discovered sex sells in HK BIG TIME - Mr. Wong Jing).

Well, to me, when he first started doing this kinda comedy in the 80s, it was kinda funny when it was ambigous sexual reference in the 80s and it was the first few times, so it was still fresh. BUT, this guy did it for over 20 years, the exact same formula. The only change to the formula is how obscene it gets. The last one I saw was last year's CNY flick which I can't remember the title of. It starred quite a few big names like Jacky Cheung, Eric Tsang, Anita Yuen and a few others. Mind you it was a CNY comedy, understandably a family comedy. I remembered a scene he had guys shooting water guns at a couple of girls' boobs in white t-shirts, something like a wet t-shirt contest... I felt really awkward and can't help but wonder what went into the minds of all the 5 year olds in the cinema. There were a few sniggers but most of the audience were just quiet.

Then you have the never ending triad shows. Same formula used all these years, just add more gore and screaming and you'll get a HK award winning show. Same thing with this "Pigeon Stool" show. Nicholas Tse won best actor for it. Can't see why. But I'm no longer in their target audience anyhow. I miss the intelligent HK movie industry. Yea some of their ideas won't work in this century anymore but I was kinda hoping the next generation of producers and directors would be able to mimic the creativity in making something new. When are they gonna start doing something more time and ticket-worthy I wonder?

From Expectations, disappointments are usually borne

2011-05-15T23:19:00.000+08:00

I have been getting angrier lately. Cos I think my expectations of how things should go has begun appearing again. Of course it didn't happen overnight, there were loads of things happening day in day out that caused the brain to go into overdrive and asking my mind, "why shouldn't you have an expectation?!"

And now what? Spiral out of control and fall back into depression 'cos it just seems that no one and not one situation seems to be heading to that expected state I have in my mind. Settle for 2nd best? erase those expectations and just take what is placed in front of me then hopefully things would work out and I will find bliss out of non-expected events?

It is said that with great power, comes great responsibility, I am without power, but why does the responsibility weigh in on me more than of so many around me? I long for freedom and courage, but that freedom comes a price. A price I wish not pay. Why do I have to be in a cross road just for simple things, while to others, it's so easy? I'm choking in my own questions.

I'm trying hard, very very hard. I feel alone? I know in theory, all the good you do or struggle for another person is not meant to be looked at as payment for someone to do the same for you. But am I not allowed to expect to get back just half of it?

Again, "expectations" is what keeps you in circles. Learn, girl, it's time to learn this lesson of life. Expectations, brings bliss sometimes but more often than not, disappointments. But what is life without expectations?

Sometimes I think I feel too much. Wish I could be like others, to not feel anything others feel. To not understand or try to understand what others may feel from my actions. To be able to just pack my bags and go without caring how that would affect others. Perhaps that's bliss? Yes, Lord, can I have that please? Remove my empathetic ability and let me not be able to feel what others feel, let me not give a care of others expectations of me. Let me shut out others expectations and let me focus on mine.

Selfish? who's to say? Many are living like that and life seem to go so well for them. They get everything they want, do whatever they want and live a life they want. I respect them, and I want to be like them. When is my time?

Useless people

2011-05-11T00:13:00.000+08:00

If you think you're so busy you can't even afford to spare a bit of time to lift just your hand and sign a petition online for something that has an effect on people's life and death after having been told about it twice, then only do it 'cos you feel forced, you have no human empathy, and in my books you are useless as a human.

New toy

2011-05-06T01:33:00.000+08:00

Sister bought a new Halogen oven when we got mom's replacement air-cond at TBM, Old Klang Road.

Not entirely confident on how to use it yet, I decided to try out a Banana loaf recipe I got online.

Turned out pretty good other than that the insides refused to cook after the recommended 30 minutes cooking time. Even after extending til 50 minutes of baking, mom and I literally had to tear it apart then bake it further. The flavor was really good though, so I believe I just need to adjust the temperature and timing the next time and it should be perfect. Here's the recipe:

Ingredients:

2 eggs, separated

1 1/3 cups granulated sugar

2 cups sifted flour

1 tsp. baking powder

1 tsp. salt1 tsp. baking soda

3 mashed bananas (small)

3/4 stick of butter, melted

1 tsp. vanilla

1 tsp. banana essence

Method:

1. Beat egg whites until frothy, adding 1 cup sugar. Set aside.

2. Mix the sugar, baking powder, flour, salt and soda in a separate bowl.

3. Then add the oil, mashed bananas and 1/2 of the butter and vanilla. Beat for about 2 minutes. Add the rest of the buttermilk and egg yolks. Beat again for about 2 minutes.

4. Fold in the beaten egg whites. Pour into 1 7 x 11 inch loaf pan and bake 60 minutes in a 300 F degree halogen oven.

Gossip Girl season 4

2011-05-04T01:34:00.000+08:00

Been catching up on the last 5 episodes. Still childishly interesting. I mean none of these could happen in real life, but the drama is quite addictive. However, dragging on for season 5 may not be the brightest thing to do 'cos I think there's only so much drama that can happen amongst the main characters. And if they were to bring in new characters to fill in the drama, they usually just get annoying.

So, last episode coming soon, I hope Blair Waldorf marries the French prince, Chuck Bass goes to a mental institution, Dan can continue being boring, Serena goes on sulking about not being the center of attention probably marry Dan in the future, Charlie can go back to her hometown and disappear insignificantly as how she has appeared, same goes for Vanessa.

The End.

Questions that pains and keep me in disbelief of the world

2011-05-02T23:08:00.000+08:00

1. Is an eye for an eye really justice or just pure revenge? Does that mean that if I was wronged first, I have license to murder?
2. When selflessness is to please one but to irk another, and it pains you to irk anyone, how does that work out?

hmmm...

Received this letter from an email. Sent by the SIB

2011-04-16T02:06:00.000+08:00

Sidang Injil Baru (SIB) Sarawak – Renewal Evangelical Mission of Sarawak

Surat Jemaat

Freedom of Religion

Saudara-saudara jemaat di tanah air tercinta Sarawak, yang menjadi umat Allah Bapa dan Tuhan Yesus Kristus. Kami mengharap semoga Allah memberi berkat dan sejahtera kepada kalian.

We praise God our Father and our Lord Jesus Christ that Sarawak is the only Christian majority state in Malaysia where half the population are Christians. It is with our goodwill and blessings that we have allowed a Malay Muslim to be the Chief Minister of Sarawak since 1963 except for a brief period when a Christian held the position until he was unconstitutionally sacked in 1966 by the Federal government.

We also praise God that one in ten people in Malaysia are Christians. In fact, two thirds of the Christians are Malay speaking bumiputras in Sarawak and Sabah as well as Orang Asli in Malaya. We have been using the Malay Alkitab or the Iban Bup Kudus as our Holy Bible for generations.
Sarawak, together with Sabah, Singapore and Malaya formed Malaysia in 1963 under the Malaysia Agreement. Singapore left the federation two years later. Like the Malays, our special position as pribumis or natives is protected under Article 153 of the Federal Constitution.

Sarawak has made its position abundantly clear in what is known as the 18-points (20-points in for Sabah) in drafting the Malaysia Agreement. Point #1 was on freedom of religion: “While there was no objection to Islam being the national religion of Malaysia, there should be no state religion in Borneo (Sarawak and Sabah), and the provisions relating to Islam in the present Constitution of Malaya should not apply to Borneo.”

That was the spirit of the Malaysia Agreement even though this point was amended in the final draft.
East Malaysians were more than magnanimous in making this compromise to UMNO. But recent events have forced us to come to the conclusion that there is a sinister anti-Christian agenda by Barisan Nasional especially by UMNO and its proxies in Sarawak. This is unconstitutional.

Bishop Ng Moon Hing, chairman of the Christian Federation of Malaysia pointed out in a statement on 10 March 2011 over the illegal confiscation of 35,000 copies of the Alkitab: “It would appear as if the authorities are waging a continuous, surreptitious and systematic programme against Christians in Malaysia to deny them access to the Bible in Bahasa Malaysia.”

We have shown great tolerance despite provocative actions against our faith by the ruling coalition. But when the government desecrated 35,000 copies of our Alkitab which were illegally confiscated, it is our wake up-call to defend our constitutional right to profess, practise and propagate our faith.
We have been betrayed by Barisan Nasional. The incumbent Chief Minster and his cabinet, who have remained in office by our grace for 30 years, have proven to be incapable of defending freedom of religion in Sarawak. They, therefore, cannot expect to enjoy our trust in the coming state elections.
Even PAS, the Islamic Party, is against the position taken by the ruling coalition against the Alkitab and to prohibit bumiputra Christians from using the word Allah to refer to God.

We wish to make it clear that we are not against Islam but only against Barisan Nasional’s anti- Christian agenda, particularly the recent desecration of 35,000 copies of our Alkitab. They were unconstitutionally impounded by the Home Ministry.

Barisan’s anti-Christian agenda began when Dr Mahathir Mohamad became prime Minister in July 1981 when he banned the Alkitab under a Gazette Order made under the Internal Security Act in 1982. When Christians objected, he amended it to a “restricted ban” for use only in churches.

Despite this, various consignments of the Alkitab and Bahasa Christian publications were illegally confiscated by the Home Ministry by using the Publications and Printing Presses Act. The Bup Kudus or Iban Bible was banned in 2003 by Abdullah Ahmad Badawi when he was acting prime Minister and Internal Security Minister. He relented when faced with Iban anger.

Now under Prime Minister Najib Razak’s 1Malaysia, this harassment against the church and Christians continues unabated leading to the desecration of the 35,000 copies of the Alkitab by stamping it with serial numbers and the words “For Christianity Only.” We can never agree to this because the Bible is meant for anyone interested. Only criminals are identified by serial numbers.

It is not that we have not compromised for the sake of peace. We have even gone to the extent to imprint a large crucifix on the cover of Alkitab with the words “Penerbitan Kristian” or “Christian Publication” so that Muslims do not buy or receive the Alkitab by mistake.

The Alkitab and Bahasa Christian publications are now planced under the jurisdiction of the Qur’anic Text Division of the Home Ministry. The desecration of the Alkitab is done by this division.

The shortage of Alkitab in Sarawak, due to the ongoing illegal confiscation of our Holy Scriptures, has now reached a crisis. Our children and grandchildren have no access to them since birth.

The evidence before us is that Barisan Nasional is persisting in completely wiping out our Christian Heritage in Sarawak and Sabah by pursuing its unconstitutional and illegal anti-Christian agenda.

Sidang Injil Baru Sarawak, therefore, advises Christians to vote wisely in the coming state elections on 16 April 2011. You do not necessarily have to vote for the Opposition. Vote only for candidates, including those from Barisan Nasional, whom you feel can act with a clear conscience and integrity and a proven record of defending the freedom of religion.

Our Christian heritage is at stake. Act now. Vote wisely. Pray for divine intervention.

... time is running out. Wake up, for our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed.
(Romans 13:11 NLT).

Kasih karunia dan damai sejahtera menyertai kamu.

Sidang Injil Baru (SIB) Sarawak Sri Aman 30 Mar 2011

Amazing how time can cause traditions to distort

2011-04-06T13:31:00.001+08:00

U know, since my dad passed on when I was 11, I was suddenly exposed to all the activities that goes along with praying to, blessing and in memory of d deceased.

From the funeral, til over 10 yrs after he died, none of us ever questioned the list of things we do during Ching Ming, the 7th month or even paying over RM300 just to get a paper board with my dad's name sitting on temp wooden racks among the other thousands of other people's loved ones. We just never questioned. Is the world of the date still about material wealth? U mean my dad will only get more blessings, the richer I am? What utter bullshit! U can't buy blessings! U can donate more to charity and hope the benefactors will bless u in their prayers, but u CAN'T buy blessings! How delusional can the Chinese population get? Damn even our souls are about commercial gains now isit? Ptooi!

I was lucky that we only paid rm300 for the 'da cai' session, cos that was the only amt we can afford. But others pay RM2000 to get the bigger cardboard so their ancestors don't have to share the same level with anyone else!

In case anyone else haven't noticed, its getting more and more commercial every year. Much like X'mas. The graveyards nowadays during Ching Ming reminds me of some open air concert minus the singers. U got stalls and stalls selling drinks and food, if ur loved one was cremated, u'll probably have to fight for a nice spot where ur loved one can hang out with u guys eating and enjoying ur offerings. How much they'll really enjoy this insane chaos is a great question. Space is so tight there's not even space to walk! And the smoke, sigh, its amazing if u can walk out of there without looking all teary eyed. Mind u its not out of sadness or reminiscence of the loved one ya.

Guess what are the new stuff that gets purchased and burned? Let's see, out of observation, u have the usual car, house, maids, drivers, money, clothes, phones, ciggy, etc. But the latest I saw was a gas station! And how can we leave these out: iPads and iPhones!

Its a noble thought that u'd like their lives to be in a better state than u can possibly provide in this live, but don't u think sometimes u're just being overboard?

Best part is, I saw on the news in Phoenix channel, the original Ching Ming had nothing to do with burning of luxuries for the deceased, it is a time to reminisce the departed, what they've done and may not manage to do when they were still alive, then reflect on our own lives, treasure and appreciate our time here while we still have it. If that is indeed true, how silly have we been?
Sent by DiGi from my BlackBerry® Smartphone

2011-04-06T10:33:00.002+08:00

hou sien ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

2011-04-02T00:21:00.001+08:00

Maybe 'cos I'm feeling tired of having to check my time everywhere I go. Maybe 'cos I just wanna spend my weekend hanging out with my family doing the usual lazy things without having to rush off to some lunch or dinner or whatever activity. Maybe I just wanna do things at my pace. That's why. Somehow you just don't ever seem to get that.

ALERT ! Malaysia Election Vote Casting : an e-mail I received

2011-03-30T16:35:00.002+08:00

I received this in my e-mail. Not entirely sure if it's true. But just keep an eye open on things like this when voting. Let's not get our right taken away by anyone using dirty tactics.

The email I received said:

ALERT ! HAVE YOU OBSERVED THIS ?

During POLLING DAY, when it was your turn to COLLECT your BALLOT SLIP,
you present your IC.
Your name will be call out. Very Normal.
Your LISTING NUMBER will also be called out. Perfectly NORMAL.

Now what is ABNORMAL is the OFFICER who hands you your ballot slip.
He will LIGHTLY WRITE (in pencil) your LISTING NUMBER ON THE BALLOT PAPER ! This is HIGHLY IRREGULAR and in essence , is ILLEGAL ! Your ballot slip can be classified as DEFACED AND HENCE "SPOILT" ! NOTHING ELSE BUT AN " X" should be on the BALLOT SLIP IN THE BOX OF YOUR CHOICE - BY ONLY YOU !

They are SELECTIVE on whose ballot they write on.

This was relayed to me just now at Giant, by an elderly man of 67 yrs old, who has been voting many times and observing the same thing happening. He usually bring along an ERASER.

Those of you who are voting this coming election be it State or National, please take note - and take care. Bring your eraser with you. If you see an officer writes ANYTHING on your BALLOT SLIP, bring this matter up to PARTY OBSERVERS AT THE POLLING CENTRES.

Happy voting ! Pass the word around !

The information contained in this email and any attachments is confidential and may be

subject to copyright or other intellectual property protection. If you are not the

intended recipient, you are not authorized to use or disclose this information, and we

request that you notify us by reply mail or telephone and delete the original message

from your mail system. MEGA LOGISTIC HOLDINGS (M) SDN BHD and any of its subsidiaries

each reserve the right to monitor all e-mail communications through its networks.

Any views expressed in this message are those of the individual sender, except where

the message states otherwise and the sender is authorized to state them to be the views

of any such entity.

--
Regards,
Wong Tsuey Fen

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2011-03-18T22:21:00.003+08:00

This was a very sad and angry week for me. All the on-going crap with our politicians trying to force their way into power, religious discrimination, Japan's earthquake.

Someone asked, if I believe the world is ending. I said no. In the bible, it says in 1 Thessalonians 5:2 "For you yourselves are fully aware that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night". There is no way for us to predict when the end is coming. Only it is near and we should be prepared at all times. It's really not easy. Not knowing when the oppression will end, not knowing when those suffering will find their safety and comfort, not knowing when the evil ones will get punished, it is really not easy to keep telling myself it is important to remember what God wants me to do and live by that, swallowing my pride, keeping my anger at bay and not fall to temptation. And it's doubly hard when the people all around you are just part of that temptation.

I am truly at a loss. I feel helpless. What more can I do for the people of Japan? What more can I do for the people of Libya, Egypt, etc. What can I do about our defaced bible by that same group of people I am supposed to honour as authority of our country? Is praying all there is to do? Is there nothing physical I am able to contribute without hurting those around me?

My Lord's word is getting defaced by a print that says "BY ORDER OF THE Minister of Home Affairs". And all I can do is pray? I'm feeling useless... so soo useless. Yea I can vote... is that even enough? REALLY, who are we kidding? Even if 90% of Malaysian Chinese votes against the current government, all we're gonna get is just a few districts. We rely fully on our Malay friends. Those who have not been blinded by years of hate-feeding. So much of hate-feeding that they're passing it on to the next generation and making their now children believe that they are still the only rightful locals and WE are still immigrants and alien to the country. You didn't read wrong. It is true, a child thinks that Chinese are aliens. so alien that a child came up to a friend of mine pointed at her and said "eh, eh, cinaaaa". What's wrong with that picture? EVERYTHING. What are we doing to ourselves? What happened to that loving country to I grew up in? What happened to that proud culture of the melting pot I have grown up in? Why is this happening? And I don't even need to mention about our Indian friends 'cos they are probably getting worse treatments.

Oh, and I'm not done yet. Check out what the rest of the world is doing while the Japanese are helping each other out in the wake of a disaster? Malaysians are busy creating rumours and sending out vicious lies about the air being filled with radiation from the plants in Japan, Chinese are buying out all the salt available to apparently protect themselves from radiations and in contrast, you have a Japanese engineer who proudly says "I am prepared to die to prevent a meltdown." Do we have no shame? How much more selfish are we getting everyday?

Then the girl who killed the kitten. She apologized, offered her service to SPCA to pay for her wrongs. Animals rights activists goes and condemn DAP rep for defending the girl. HELOO if you're such an animals rights activists, go make sure she's paying by making sure she scoops all the dog poops and take care of sick dogs for 2 whole years. I believe that's better than wasting time putting her in jail isn't it? Why are you punishing those that came forward and apologized and already said she's ready to face the punishment? While the couple that ran away is still free on Facebook. You're an animal activist, but that doesn't mean you punish the one that stayed and leave the 2 that ran alone right? Do your job as an activist then. Don't bully the one that felt remorse.

Blogging from a mobile not possible?

2011-03-17T09:23:00.001+08:00

It seems to me, that blogger mobile is not as easy to activate as everyone made it out to be. Maybe I'm an idiot but, I've trying to get that code and new blog address from google for the past 3 days.

I got a code just over 10 mins ago alright. But when I entered it in the page, it says code doesn't exist.

I give up. I shall just use email and hopefully the formatting turns out exactly as I write it now. Damn! No font to play with? Crap!
Sent by DiGi from my BlackBerry® Smartphone

2011-02-24T00:32:00.000+08:00

Loneliness, meaningless, useless.

A trip to Penang

2011-02-10T02:04:00.015+08:00

It was the the Raya holidays with long weekends and all, so my sister and I decided to take off to Penang and check out the much fussed about Hard Rock Hotel. We have wanted to make it a family trip with me, Heng and mom. Mom last minute backed out so it was just 2 of us after that.

The trip lasted for 3 days though we really wished it was a tad longer.

Day 1: 16 Sept 2010

What's a trip to penang if it's not about eating and eating and eating and eating all the way? We kicked off the journey bout 8am, and the eating started from Tanjung Malim! Yik Mun curry chicken and kaya paus. Yummy. Don't expect fatty char siew and the usual pau you get from dimsum shops, this one is completely different.

The curry chicken is tasty, and although not dripping with curry, the pau skin texture was still a perfect match to the curry in there.

The kaya is light and not too rich but fragrant, I like it just fine.

Pit stop 2: Ipoh

"Wan Li Xiang" famous for Salted Herbal Duck

It was lunch time already, so we decided to just drive through to Ipoh and buy 2 bottles of Funny Mountain Soya Milk and grab a salt baked chicken. We didn't feel like queuing a century for the salt baked chicken, so we tried a shop that wasn't all that famous called "Wan Li Xiang". Turns out, it was quite alright. Although the taste is not the same as the popular Aun Kheng Lim, it was still nice, not as salty but salty enough and have a nice herbal taste to it. See the pretty shine on the chicken? It's really quite nicely flavored. We wanted to try out their specialty, salt baked herbal duck. However, there was only 2 of us and a duck can be HUGE. We'll just have to keep it for next time.

With a stuffed tummy, we continued going north to our destination and arrived at Hard Rock Hotel. In all honesty, I was a tad disappointed when I walked in. It wasn't a blow me away hotel. The only thing that blew me away was the price... Don't be mistaken though, it's a nice hotel, just not grand enough in my opinion.

Not too grand entrance @ the Hard Rock Hotel

After arriving, we took a dip in the pool, rested with some cocktails (me with my margarita) by the bar in the pool. Yes, you heard it right, it was a bar in the pool, you sit on stools partially submerged in water, cool, no? Then we just lounged around then cleaned up and headed over to Hard Rock Cafe for dinner cum supper cum drinks and enjoyed the live band. They were so-so only though and I wouldn't recommend the performance.

Nice room, nice view

Comes with a mini hifi that supports ipod - Different soaps for the body and the face

When night came, the entrance finally had something WOW. Love this display

So-so band in Hard Rock Cafe

All in all it was OK. I liked our room with the nice view from the balcony very much, didn't like the pool 'cos it had sand all around it and made it feel dirty. I thought the entrance could use some additional work to make me go WOW when I walked in although the light display at night was a good touch, but I crave more wows.

Day 2: 17 Sept 2010

Started off day 2 packing up to move to Northam 'cos Hard Rock was fully booked for some private function. So we checked out and headed over to Northam all Suite.

I took a video instead of photos. The suite was huge! and if only they updated it a bit, it would've been perfect. It still isn't bad now, just a tad empty and old. But still very livable.

Once we got our stuff settled, we headed out for the one meal that EVER-RY one in my office tells me I MUST try. Nasi Briyani Kapitan.

I have to agree with what they say. "Where Cuisines are Delicious"

Headed to the original shop but a local told me I could go to Queen's Bay Mall and still get the same good stuff. So I did. And boy, was everyone right. The food was heavenly! Heng thought it a tad too salty but it was undeniable that this was briyani like we never had before. Even the Aloo Gobi was damn good.

L-R: Delicioussss curry to go with the lamb briyani. Aloo Gobi was equally yummylicious.

After lunch it was about 4 already, but lunch was so heavy we can't bear to have dinner, so we decided to wait for a friend to come take us out to check out the night life. He came bout 10pm and took us to the Upper Penang Road area. Since it was still too early to really see any real action, we headed over to another popular place; Sup Hameed.

Former PM thinks Hameed's soup is good too

I found this ad hillarious. It says "Banyak masalah? Cubalah teh masala". So much for an attempt on creative writing

I didn't quite like the food here but according to my sister, they're a bit inconsistent. The first time she was here, Sup Ekor, the fried chicken with special gravy and the nasi lemak was very good. The day I came, they were hmm... well, better than average but hardly jaw dropping. I suppose she's right 'cos even former PM, Tun Mahathir was a regular with Koh Tsu Koon.

After gulping down the sup ekor, we weren't really in the mood to join in the clubbing scene. Furthermore the night life there is abit too chinese for us. No offense but I can't exactly get used to a club that plays hokkien techno songs. Eye opening but just not for me.

Since we didn't have much to do til we go for our next meal at Nasi Kandar Beratur, Heng and friend decided to play some pool upstairs to kill time.

After about the 6th game, we decided it was time to go somewhere else. BUT it was still too soon to eat again. Hmmm... where to go? where to go? Then friend said, "you guys haven't been to autocity right? Come I bring you".

We stopped here at AutoCity to play many rounds of pool hoping we'd get hungry soon.

Autocity was really quite impressive, but I really think they should rename it to clubbing city. There were more clubs than auto parts shops. I think it failed as an autocity but due to it's really spacious land, alot of businessman from Penang island decided to expand their clubs to this place. Here, Heng and friend played some more pool. Me? stoned and played with my phone. After the gazillionth game, it was finally time to go back onto the island for Nasi Kandar Beratur!

The friend 'beratur' ing

Once we got there, the queue was equally if not longer than the time we passed it to head to AutoCity. I was told it'll take you about 1/2 hour at least before you'll get to eat your Nasi. So I, as usual was the table booker. Rooted myself at the first decent empty table ordered drinks and then friend and Heng goes to 'beratur'. It was about 20 mins, when they came back with the food. Looks pretty ordinary, most people take the same things either fried chicken or beef rendang and some vege. BUT no doubt, worth the wait. I can't describe what it is but it certainly tastes different from the usual nasi kandar we get in KL. The fragrance of the spices were a bit different. I recently saw a TV program about it. Apparently they use only spices directly imported from india.

Not too salty, the chicken was juicy and not dry, curry was really good too. Will I come again just to eat it? No. Will I recommend it to visitors? Yes, you must try it at least once.

All stuffed and contented, we headed back to hotel. Thanks to friend we tried out the best Malay foods in Penang.

Day 3: 18 Sept 2010

Last day, check out day, last kopek, whatever you wanna call it. This is the day to head back to KL. BUT not before we have some authentic Char Kway Teow and Sarsi Ais Kacang all at Lorong Selamat. We went to the red hat aunty's stall, didn't know about the boycott incident until I came back from Penang. Anyhow, her char kway teow was GOOD!!! The stall diagonally opposite hers that sells 'Ho Jian' is not good. It was very bad.

Ssslllurp!

Looking good before we dug in, looking like a pool of starch after, yuck!

Successful makan trip! I only wish we didn't order that awful oyster starch.

End of Penang 2010.

2011-02-09T11:21:00.003+08:00

Now, I've discovered the reason I can never be a professional blogger. I update too slow. I mean, come on, I got tonnes of pictures from my Bali trip and CNY trip to Singapore and I'm still in the midst of photo-shopping them. ;)

But here I am updating about absolutely nothing interesting. Simply 'cos it's easier to update with words than photos. I can't wait to go home and continue my photo-shopping and then updating of my CNY trips and winnings!

Meanwhile, I'm in the office slaving away at things I really don't want to do. Whine whine whine, that's about all I'm doing nowadays. Kick me somebody, please!

Mental & Finger block

2011-01-24T15:50:00.000+08:00

Sigh... So much work to do but I'm just refusing to do it.

BUTs of Badminton

2011-01-24T12:46:00.004+08:00

You know, it's not like I'm not patriotic when it comes to sports involving Malaysian athletes. Especially world class ones. BUT I am just so unexcited about the Malaysian Open, errm... no wait, I WAS excited thinking Lin Dan was playing LCW BUT it wasn't so. That dampened the excitement & interest. Yea LCW won Taufik, OK, but really, was that unexpected?

Despite what I heard about it being an excellent game and all, I just can't seem to get ecstatic about it. I mean, the only thing I want to see is LCW win Lin Dan. AND TRULY CLAIM WORLD NO. 1 from the hands of that snob! But I think it will never happen la... seeing that Lin Dan no longer really wants to play and how he consistently puts our "World No. 1" down almost every single time.

The day that LCW consistently beat Lin Dan is getting further and further. The chance looks like it's actually evaporating into thin air. Sadness really. Don't get me wrong, I think LCW is a superb superb player. BUT I just don't regard him as world no. 1. Until he can consistently topple Lin Dan, he cannot claim that title.

I know how it feels

2011-01-21T17:35:00.003+08:00

Do you know how it feels sitting in front of your desk stoning and staring at that excel sheet of names and numbers you're supposed to call and YET don't feel like calling?

Do you know how it feels to have spent the whole day doing marketing department's job and enjoying it really, realized that none of this really matters 'cos they're not part of your jobscope and you're still no where near reaching your KPIs?

Do you know how it feels when you feel invisible in the office 'cos everyone is just glad they're not the ones doing your job? and are more than happy to leave you to your own thing?

Do you know how it feels when what you like to do and what you're doing or are supposed to do is in no way closely related?

Do you know how it feels when your boss have no time to listen to your solutions let alone your problems?

Do you know how it feels when you want to do something so bad, and then you realize that budgets won't approve of it 'cos you don't have a budget to begin with.

Do you know how it feels when you just feel like hiding under your table and wishing everything away?

Do you know how it feels when you feel like saying, "I don't wanna do what I'm doing anymore, 'cos this just isn't working" but didn't when your big boss says, "Maggie, don't feel threatened, feel empowered. This is a GREAT opportunity for you. Embrace it"?

Do you know how it feels to be a total failure and have no clue on how to get out of that failure?

I do.

Soggy instead of Angry Pao

2011-01-14T16:49:00.002+08:00

Nothing tastes worse than a Pao left in a styrofoam box for a day and has become all soggy. But I think that's what I've become. I think I've completely lost it. I no longer have the fire in me already. It's either I've lost my intelligence to fight or I've just resigned to just letting things take its course around me and then let it simmer in me and hopefully, it eventually goes away.

Scenario 1:
A car tries to force its way into my lane at LDP Sunway toll.
Angrypao would press on her horn and trail the car in front of her so closely it will be completely impossible to go in unless both cars get harmed.

SoggyPao now will just let the car in, then wave her arms around and curse in the car sometimes. Other times just let the car in, mutter a few idiotic words and forget about the whole incident.

Scenario 2:
Bad food in restaurant.
Angrypao will ask for the manager and refuse to talk to anyone else. Demand for a new dish and if refused, scold them at the top of her lungs and ask for a refund.

Soggypao sometimes will still do what Angrypao does. most of the time will ask for the waiter, tell her the food was bad, change it and say thank you for changing it.

Scenario 3:
Job not turning out the way expected, or encountered boss unable to help with a situation
Angrypao will tell boss "I don't work on weekends. sorry I got better things to do" and then when asked to leave, will happily smile and tell the boss "I thought the same too".
Soggypao will just continue doing whatever, but internally hate everything she's doing.

I've so lost it. I miss Angrypao

Top 10 events in 2010

2010-12-31T19:11:00.006+08:00

10. my baptism

9. started working in astro

8. had 2 friends diagnosed with critical illness but are both responding well to treatment.

7. lost a great boss

6. birth of chicky

5. mom officially diagnosed with alzheimers

4. i did my lasik for rm5k

3. bought my first pair of branded sunnies- ed hardy at rm960

2. bamu started hanging around my mom

1. baked my first round of cookies, drove all d way to ipoh on my own.

the order which the above are written has no significant value. just wrote it as they came. 2010, you've not been very nice but jesus has. he has more than once answered my prayers and i'm forever grateful.

resolution? to just stop thinking of myself n do more for others. n to finally find my peace.

im sure 2011 will continue to bring the ups and downs. i just hope for everyone and myself to be able to grab all of it by the horns and come out stronger than ever.

have a great strong 2011!!!

oh, before that, malaysia won its first asean cup in football. well done!

Interesting sights while waiting at traffic

2010-12-29T12:09:00.005+08:00

Sighting 1: On my way back to the office from KLCC yesterday, I saw sheeps. That's right! SHEEPS in the middle of town! under the bridge on Jalan Tun Razak while I was waiting for traffic to turn green.
Sighting 2: A Mat Salleh on his Harley, speeding off at the traffic light at Jalan 222 the moment my side turned red. Note, the light on his side is not green yet.

Car door, you finally caught my finger!

2010-12-29T01:37:00.003+08:00

having had a full childhood safe of getting my fingers stuck in any doors, i finally succumbed to it happening to me now! when i'm 30! how embarassing is that?

how did it happen? well, i was holding on to the pillar of the shuttle van of my office to bring myself into the van, when the driver slams his door shut. i didn't feel a thing. i only realised it was slammed when i couldn't peel my hand off the car.

i was numbed completely as i realized even my ability to communicate what happened to the driver in that 2 secs of realization was compromised. €€thank god, he was quick to realize what has happened.

finger started bleeding and i had to rush back into the office for first aid. lo and behold, as much as my security wanted to help, that first aid kit is so complicated, we can't find antiseptic.

when i reached home and opened up the plaster put in place, it looks like nails are fine. just minor loss of skin. nothing more. thanking god for that!

I can see clearly now ... lalala

2010-12-22T12:33:00.003+08:00

After years of deliberation, I finally decided to get on with LASIK or in length it's called Laser-Assisted In Situ Keratomileusis. To those who doesn't know, it is a surgical procedure to fix screwed up eye-sights. I have -6.50 on my right and -7.25 on my left eye.

So yea... after being pursued by this sales girl, Deborah who's been diligently calling me for the past 5 months, I gave in, made an appointment to do my eye test and the surgery on the same day. Of course there was also a promo going on where it is RM2,488 per eye. I was expecting to do everything below RM5K.

Once I got there, I was told to take a seat and wait for my turn to take the eye tests. The nurse said it'll take 2 hours. So bamu went to take his breakfast.

When my turn came, I was led into this test room where there were about 5 machines in the room for the different eye tests that I had to go thru. 1st up, is the electronic eyesight test where I stared into the little hole to peek at a hot air balloon. Then, it was to this machine that I have to peek into darkness and then get a gust of wind into my eye, it then measures the pressure in my eyeballs. After that, I was told to sit in front of this typing machine lookalike thing with a stylus. Nurse told me she will put the stylus into my eyes to see how thick my cornea is. But before she did that, she'll put some anesthetic drops into my eyes so when she pokes the stylus in, I won't feel a thing. So I obediently sat there and waited. True enough, after the drop, I really couldn't feel anything when she used the stylus thing to press onto my eyeball. My cornea thickness is about 220nm. Then it's to the next room where u'll find the usual reading test to ascertain my powers.

I was escorted back out to the waiting area after that, and told to wait a few minutes before she came with the drops to dilate my pupils for further tests. She said it should take about 1/2 hour or more for my pupils fully dilate for the next test. After she put in the drops, I waited for my vision to go blur. Didn't happen. Bamu came back with peanut butter toast. Gobbled it down and waited some more.

Then only I realized, my far visions won't go blur la... only the near ones. So I can't read. I was then brought back in to sit for 2 tests. 1, to check if my retina and veins are healthy, I was seated in front of this machine and told to stare at the knob of the machine while a bright light was moved around to see all the corners of my eyeballs. It's quite freaky 'cos I can literally see all the shapes of the veins in my eyes.

After it completed, the nurse says my retina is a bit thin and worry that it might tear in near future. In some instances, Lasik might cause it to thin faster and then run the risk of retinal detachment. Then she assures me, even if I don't do Lasik, there is still a risk 'cos my retina is still thin. I just nodded 'cos I'm starting to feel jittery about the procedure I am about to endure.

Final test was back to the reading test cos they want to see if a completely relaxed (dilated pupil) eye will prove to have a lower power compared to usual. No chance. My powers were still so high.

So after all that's done, bamu and I were brought into the consultation room where the nurse explained the procedure, difference between the different procedures and what is suitable for me.

I'm suitable for:
1) Lasik (approximately a total of 160nm needs to be sacrificed)
2) All Laser Lasik (Intra-Lasik) - (approximately a total of 110nm needs to be sacrificed)
3) Lasik XP- (approximately a total of 130nm needs to be sacrificed)

Looking at the price chart and hearing the amount of tissue I save, I opted for XP. She then told me to go for lunch first and come back about 1pm for the procedure.

So off Bamu and I, to the cafe opposite for lunch and got back to Optimax for my thing on time. Still not too scared yet. Walked up to the reception and told the nurse I'm here for my surgery. This was when I found out that Lasik XP is RM3088 per eye. HAH?! I went into a panic 'cos I can't afford that. Then I realized I was looking at the wrong chart. The RM2K+ per eye is for conventional Lasik XP. Which is not performed in this branch. All procedure done here is only customized. I was starting to have doubts on whether I should go on with it. Bamu convinced me to proceed with Customized Lasik, since we're already here and i have enough tissue to do Lasik instead of Lasik XP.

I remembered I got a mobile message that has a promo of RM2488 per eye for custom Lasik. So I asked the nurse. By right I wasn't eligible 'cos I was supposed to show them the sms to prove I was the few selected customers (blah, blah, yawn). But she looked at my poor pauper face and said "It's ok la, I'll honour it for you". But for that I'll have to pay full. If I want to do 0% ezypayment, I'll have to pay extra RM200. What to do? I opted to pay the extra RM200.

So after I signed on the papers to pay, I was then directed to Molly, my nurse. She will be bringing me into the surgery waiting room, then dress me in paper shoes, paper robe and paper hat. I look like a blue mushroom. This was when my nerves started kicking in. I was to be No. 2 to go into the surgery room that afternoon. I shook my legs while nervously awaiting my turn. Then Molly came to explain the precautions and usage of all the things in my Optimax goodie bag.

My turn came! I walked into the little area next to the surgery room where Dr. Stephen Chung explained to me what will happen in the procedure.

1st. I'll have to lie down face up.
2nd. There will be a green light for me to stare into and that will be my main task. Then he will be putting a ring over my eye ball to hold it in place. No matter, I need to stare at that green light. Don't worry about what he's doing. Just stare into the green light. There will be a point where I will lose sight of the green light. Not to worry. That means the flap removal was successful. Just relax.
3rd. Once my sight comes back, continue to stare at the green light which will be blur. But continue to stare. When the laser comes on, there is a sound from the machine I will hear. Don't worry, continue to stare at the green light.

Summary: Don't do anything but stare at green light. Understood.

Before we went in, doctor says he needs to do a marking on my eye. But I won't feel it cos he dropped some anesthetic drops in my eyes. BUT I felt that! so that freaked me OUT! So I kept asking him if that's normal. He says yes, you will feel that slightly. Not to worry. He then put more anesthetic drops into my eyes and ask the nurse to clean the area surrounding my eyes, prepare me for the procedure.

At this point I was shivering. The room was surprisingly simple (I've never been in any surgery rooms). It was an empty room with some chairs, the laser machine, and about 5 people in there. I was so nervous, I had no idea who was there.

So I walked in and was told to lie down on the bed. which I sheepishly did. Once lying down, the machine moved and in front of my vision was a 6 bright lights in a circle surrounding a green dot and a faint red light at the corner. Ahhhh... that's the green dot. My nerves are getting worse by the second and all I can say is God be with me.... (yes I am a chicken).

Then Dr. Chung with his very soothing voice started talking to me. From the moment of the flap procedure to the zap procedure, he narrates everything he's doing to my eyes. At the same moment he reminds me over and over again to look into the green light and nothing else. He's the man! I did not feel a thing through out the procedure other than just feeling a bit tired 'cos of being forced to stare into 1 dot for so long. But other than that, totally painless. In approximately 30 minutes, I'm done and ready to go home.

Of course about 1 hour and a half later, I started to feel discomfort. Like when you have something constantly in your eye and it's starting to tear. That lasted about 2 hours. After that, I was pretty much ok already other than having to remind myself to wear my sunnies even indoors and NEVER to rub my eyes for fear the flap gets wrinkled.

It's almost a week now and I can look pretty again with my eyeliners and mascara. Hehehe. I believe it's a good end to 2010. Now to start working out and lose weight.

2010-12-13T23:08:00.003+08:00

I may be alone in this but I find it strange when the TV channels are fussing about the Prime Minister being there to officiate the event when a King (YES, an actual King) is in the same place and no one really is giving a hoot about that. OK... maybe not so exagerated, the King got interviewed, then also made a long speech but damn, the camera was following the Prime Minister around like he was the main actor of a movie and the King looked like he was just the supporting role.

Yes I find it very strange. Maybe cos I don't understand politics or how these events go. But I always thought that a King usually has a higher standing than a prime minister even though they don't actively partake in the country's administration.

Strange, strange, strange.

Work sick

2010-11-30T08:30:00.003+08:00

And yet it is another day I dread dragging myself to work. Can't even seem to force myself out of the door. 3 meetings await. Come on get out of the house! Sucks la. Everyday is such a struggle

Reasons for staring into the air and stoning

2010-11-11T16:20:00.002+08:00

1. Trying very hard to get over the fact that I took up a job that is perfect in every way except it's a role I really hate.
2. In the usual situation where I am unable to control the events that's taking place and a break, in communication with colleagues.
3. Having no one to eat my experimental cakes and have no more motivation to bake more.
4. Mom's complaining about no one having dinner with her.
5. Having to be Emcee in a church event but having absolutely no idea what to say.
6. Having to do some pom-pom dance but having no idea what the song sounds like.
7. Meeting the Executive Director for my confirmation when it really should've been just my boss whom I am completely comfortable with.
8.Worrying if my demands will be met or will I be put down.
9. Feeling so sick of working on my own all the time.
10. Feeling lonely at work all the time.
11. Got a presentation next Friday and having absolutely no materials to work with.

Reason to feel better than stoning.
1. I got free Deepavali cookies from the sweetest old lady in the office.
2. Everyone is happy to do my 360 evaluation.
3. So far all clients are happy with me.
4. Having the opportunity to entertain some very loyal Sisters in their homes this Sunday.
5. Having the chance to meet the highest level of decision makers for my confirmation and demands.

Tiramisu attempt

2010-11-08T22:37:00.004+08:00

Over the weekend, I attempted to make my own favorite dessert, Tiramisu.

Here's the recipe I followed. This served 8. Flavor-wise, it was good, my issue with it was my it was too too wet. I believe it was due to the oversoaked Saviordi Ladies fingers. Next time must make sure that I don't soak them so long.

Ingredients

4 eggs separate yolk from whites
3/4 cup white sugar
250ml mascarpone cheese
1-1/4 (12 ounce) packages ladyfingers
3 tablespoons strong coffee
3/4 teaspoon unsweetened cocoa powder, for dusting

Directions

Combine egg yolks and sugar in the top of a double boiler, over boiling water. Reduce heat to low, and cook for about 10 minutes, stirring constantly. Remove from heat and whip yolks until thick and lemon colored. (This is to eliminate the risk of salmonella infection)
Add mascarpone to whipped yolks. Beat until combined. In a separate bowl, whip egg whites to stiff peaks. Gently fold into yolk mixture and set aside.
Split the lady fingers in half, and line the bottom and sides of a large glass bowl. Brush with coffee. Spoon half of the cream filling over the lady fingers. Repeat ladyfingers, coffee and filling layers. Garnish with cocoa. Refrigerate several hours or overnight.

Tai Ho 泰和 coffee - IOI Boulevard Puchong

2010-10-08T22:53:00.002+08:00

You know I'm growing to like IOI Boulevard more and more everyday. I'm finding little eating gems out of here everyday.

First, there was Kimtal B, but sad to say they deteriorated over time. So, I'm only gonna go there if I have absolutely no idea what I feel like eating.

Then I discovered Otak-Otak. Which serves well, not as great as the originals from Muar but certainly is one of the best in Klang Valley. They have it in sticks and also steamed. At the same time they also serve other things like Nasi Goreng Kampung and Char Kway Teow with some otak-otak as side dishes. My favourite, the nasi lemak special otak-otak. The acar is good, portion is good, I can share with mom. Bambu's fav is the char kway teow.

Then latest addition to my discovery, a newly opened shop called Tai Ho Coffee. It's right next to "The Pork Place". Menu is a little limited but I do feel the specialty served it well as the food was really good.

Main things sold in Tai Wo is fresh seafood. And by seafood they mean real "SEA" food from the ocean. Not freshwater prawns or freshwater fish. Me and my sis shared a Sour and spicy crab fried with glass noodles. The glass noodles were well cooked and the flavour was just right. Only complain was the crab was a little puny and there wasn't much meat. Other than that I'd give it an 8/10 for flavour alone.

Mommy ordered a sauce fried fish slices with white rice. Sounds bland but it was a pleasant surprise as the fish and the sauce tasted quite nice and it's quite nicely done with some mushrooms and vege with the fish slices. They could do with more fish slices in there tho'. I'd give it a 6/10.

Then we all shared vege dish called 清紅木 "green red wood" which is basically a stir-fried dish of a mixture of cucumber, carrot and 'muk yee' . Very simple but quite nicely done too. I think I'd order that again the next time.

All in all the experience was a 7/10. Most importantly, the seafood is UBER FREESH!

But we suspect they won't make it anytime soon 'cos Puchong is a very Ceena place... all the ppl who lives here prefers 'chao choi sik fan'. Not that adventurous. So it's gonna take time for them to make a name. So if you wanna try it, do it now or real soon.

BB Bold has a new brother. The Torch

2010-10-01T12:12:00.002+08:00

Hmm... gizmo editors wrote off this phone and reading it, I think the writer is an iPhone fan 'cos apparently none of what he wrote are facts.

He said that the phone is a failure and it was proven by the 'fact' that it's price was slashed half after 1 day of launch which wasn't true (proven because they had to recall another article which has said it did). The phone was sold at that USD100 from DAY 1.

Then, he went on to say that RIM expected to sell the same numbers as the iPhone in the millions and that was a failure on its own. That expectation apparently failed miserably because it only managed a 150K on the first day of launch (which admitted by the writer was a very good number). ERrr... was there any news that said RIM expected millions to buy the Torch? Not that I know off... not that anyone I know knows off either.

AND looking at the almost non-existent marketing campaign to push the phone, there has not been any indication that they're trying to achieve the same kind of hype or madness as the iphone launch, which is to sell the phone in millions. BB's have always been the preferred phone for those who are rational and don't really give a rat's hoot about looking like part of the 'in' crowd. So trying to get a hype as crazy as the ones given to the iphone is like trying to make cheese out of molded bread; quite impossible. I doubt the RIM people are so stupid.

1 point I agreed with the writer is this. BB supporters don't normally go crazy over new phones and immediately buy a new version once it's launched. They'd use their reliable old phone until they have to get a new one 'cos it's good enough to last them almost a lifetime. I haven't bought mine yet 'cos I still feel it's a bit too expensive. But once the Torch is out, I might get the Bold. Finally, I think it's affordable to me.

Beautiful Wake

2010-09-30T10:47:00.004+08:00

It was sombre, it was sad and we all wish it never happened. I still had a dream last night that it was all a scare, a cruel joke to us all and he was back in the office and doing his usual thing.

As usual, you wake up to it realizing it wasn't a joke and it really happened. I was reminded of the time my dad passed. I was in that state for at least a month... every morning. I'm just hoping this passes faster than that. But there is a part of our subconscious that tells us to hold on to it, for fear we will forget these few wonderful people that we have come to know in our lives.

Make mental note: stop grieving but don't stop remembering to pray for their quick ascension back to the sides of our Lord.

Matt bid his fairwell to all his friends in Malaysia yesterday at the wake that happened in Nirvana Memorial Centre, Kuchai Lama. It was not morbid, I guess it's because wakes and funerals nowadays doesn't seem as scary as they used to be anymore. Or, it may be a sign that you've grown up and you're no longer plagued by the thoughts of scary ghosts roaming in the halls of a mortuary. But that aside, and despite the fact that I was crying my eyes out for that man, I thought it was beautiful.

It was beautiful not because I'm glad he's gone but more of seeing how much he has done and how many people he has left his mark on in his very short time in the country. For someone who's only been around for a year in the country, he's got a lot of friends. The close ones were of course the few closest confidantes that had the honor and luxury of being part of his life outside work. For the rest of us, it was a pity really. I, for one, would've really wanted to know him better. Hey, I really wanted to take him out for BKT, Penang food hunt and really introduce the finer things in the country to him. The crazy workload for him made that almost impossible tho'. I'm glad he found his golfing friends and a home right next to a course so, that, at least provided him with some release from work, I think. Of course his home itself was a perfect place he was probably happiest to be in. Beautiful wife, adorable kids and a cute dog. Life was good for him and I am glad... he deserved it.

Looking at the messages that people left on the signature book when they attended the wake to pay their last respects, it is obvious he was well loved. I'm sure he'll be going to that better world really soon, I was peeking at what others were doing and there were loads who were saying their prayers for him in their own faiths, which I am certain God understood.

Matt McKeown, you had a special place in our hearts and I'm sure you've already booked yourself a special place with HIM. When you get there, please remember to look over us... there's really a lot of us for you to look over but most importantly, look out for Karlene, William and Georgie and most importantly your sister and her son, take care and God Bless. I'm sorry if I couldn't carry on your expectations of me in Astro Arena. But I'm sure you would've understood.

To Matthew David McKeown

2010-09-28T07:38:00.003+08:00

We first met in Dec 2009. We spoke of your dreams for the channel, for sports in the country. You spoke of having the best team to build this great Malaysian Sport Channel. I was one of the lucky ones that you trusted can be part of this team despite the fact that I had absolute no experience in sales, nor TV broadcasting. After many hurdles you finally got my position set in stone and I can finally join the team.

Days at work wasn't easy for me, 'a fish out of water' as you would say, was exactly the sentiment I had then. As a matter of fact, still am. BUT you were never there to make things harder as alot of other bosses would have. You made it so much better. At moments when I was in despair everytime an expected deal was to come into the door and doesn't, it was your surprising "that's alright, just keep trying" that made me not give up and walk back in the door everyday. It was your zest and belief that kept the team together. It was your leadership and guidance that spurred everyone on. Your ability to keep a meeting fun is amazing.

You have an amazing heart. It was more than once I will see you comforting a fellow colleague, or even someone most of us will label 'insignificant'. How many of us would be concerned if a waitress was hurt when she accidentally hit over glasses of wine on her tray and almost wet u and your friends? I think most of us would be more interested in getting angry and giving her dirty looks. Well, you asked her if she was ok and still expressed concern when she didn't apologize or looked pissed at her own mistake.

Although I didn't have the pleasure of much time to call you my friend, you have forever left a mark in my heart. It was definitely a blessing to have known you, albeit the short time. God Bless your soul, may your journey back to God be a good one. I will continue to pray for you and your family. Thank you for everything.

Sigh... and just on Sunday, I was thinking we really need to bring these gwailous to Klang for BKT. Sometimes we just think too much.

What is depression

2010-09-21T00:07:00.002+08:00

To those who stare at me blankly and think I'm thinking about things that I'm upset about when I cry all of a sudden, that thinks that it is my fault for not thinking happy thoughts when things get tough, let me tell you how it feels inside and how difficult it is for me to break out of those upsetting and depressing thoughts. It's not as easy for me.

Depression is when...

There are loads of time when I can sit in my corner and just cry for the smallest reasons or even no reason at all. Don't ask me what upset me, because I don't know either.

There are times that the smallest things in movies can move me to tears and saddest scenes make me laugh.

There are times I feel I have no more passion for life. I have no interest in what I do, in what I see, in what I hear, and who I meet. I have no interest in anything at all.

There are times I feel so numb that sleep is my best companion that gives me at least comfort when I'm asleep.

There are times that I can look past the person I'm having a conversation with without an inkling of what he/she is saying. And if I didn't need to catch it for work's sake or sanity's sake, I would've just let it go without telling them.

There are times the urge of abandoning everything I have and everything I'm doing and just hide under desk and pretend no one's around.

There are times that I feel I am completely alone, eventhough there are friends, there is my boyfriend, there is my sisters, there is my mom. I feel I am just me, myself and I. And No one at all in this world, understands what I'm going through.

There are times, I feel that my ultimate goal in life is to find that 1 person who can understand what I feel during this very painful moments. And if I don't find him soon, I might as well die.

There are times, I just feel a sword puncturing thru my heart and staying there for a very long time. The pain from that sometimes feels so real, I wonder if I was really stabbed.

There are times, I wake up in the morning and wonder why did I have to wake up?

There are times, I really wish someone near me can see or even feel what I feel inside.

There are times I wish I can just be really open with everyone about how I feel around them and not having to care if I hurt their feelings

There are times I wish that I can just screw caring about what other people feel and care more myself and how I feel

There are times when depression turns to anger, turns to wrath, turns to envy, turns to jealousy, turns to feelings of loss, turns to feelings of abandonment, turns to loneliness, turns to depression and then the whole cycle all over again.

To a depressed person, it doesn't matter if 20 people are telling them that they're with them. It really doesn't and don't take it personally. It's just that all these 20 people are perceived as people who has no idea of what they're going through, therefore they don't count as someone who is there with them. Only if you know how they feel are you truly with them.

Time of the month... (cont')

2010-08-17T14:53:00.002+08:00

Overheard a conversation. 1 of my Indian colleagues was walking in and out of the pantry and a Muslim colleague asked: Why you walking in and out so much?
Indian colleague answered: err... errr... (quite hesitant to say). Went in to drink water. Not nice to drink in front of u guys.
Muslim colleague say: Eh! Drink la! Thanks for being so thoughtful. But drink la please. I'm not a child. Please, just drink.

I'm really happy with my office. We're the ultimate 1Malaysia. The rest of those who preach it but at the end just come out and behave like they're superior compared to all the rest. Go suck your own balls. You need a lesson from my colleagues!

It's Ramadan

2010-08-16T17:22:00.002+08:00

It's again that time of the year you feel guilty eating in public. Not that my colleagues are sensitive. They're not AT ALL. It's just that one of my gwailo bosses kinda reminded me to be more understanding and sensitive to others feelings by walking to a corner to have his tea. I like that. It's been some time since I am faced with voluntary sensitivity that is not forced onto us. Chicken n egg situation? If we're already sensitive, they wouldn't need to force us? hmmm. what do you think?

Trivia of the day

2010-07-28T18:22:00.002+08:00

If we were all TV hosts, we would all demand for wardrobe sponsorship from our employers or office clothings. We'd be complaining about why we're wearing our own clothes while doing work. Whiners!

Love thy neighbour as thyself

2010-07-21T10:00:00.002+08:00

This is indeed the most difficult commandment to follow. Why? I don't think it needs explanation. It is all pretty obvious.

Let's not take it literally. We're not talking about your next door neighbor. We're talking about your friends, your colleagues, your neighbors, and almost all around you. They're all your neighbors, be it for just a day or your whole year or even your whole life.

Maybe there are those who are just so much more gracious than I am. 'Cos, I can't seem to find a place in my heart for the people I see everyday, let alone love them as myself.

Just take for example, the regular drivers you see on the road. Every time they cut out in front of you then continue to drive at 40KM/hr, can you tell yourself to see God in him and instead of cursing him to get hit by a truck and die so that he doesn't waste more oxygen fueling that useless blob of shit in his head people mistook for a brain, pray and love him? I tried, I couldn't and I broke down and cried. I feel that I failed. I'm being extreme here 'cos I'm trying to be Christ-like. But I just can't see anyone can love creatures like those.

I'm upset. Not because I don't like it that God can love these annoying stupid people, but more of why can't I just ignore them and move on, or ideally see God in everyone of them and love them. It pains me tremendously when people around me behaves in a way that shows they have no common courtesy, when they do not seem to acknowledge there are people around them that gets affected by their every action.

Sometimes people ask me why I am so angry all the time. I think I found out why. I absorb all the -neg energies around me... and then it just sits in me. Obviously after awhile, I'll just be a negative sponge, that is full and dripping -neg energy wherever I go. I'm sorry if I've dripped some on anyone of you.

I need to surround myself with +ve energy to neutralize those sponged up effects. Sadly, I don't see where or how.

A night of realization and total emo-ness

2010-05-24T00:10:00.004+08:00

You know when you're too free at home and you feel you got nothing to do, don't start a fight with your mom and don't go butting into your ex's facebook accounts 'cos they don't bring happy endings to the night.

Firstly, how do you handle a mother with early stages of Alzheimer’s? How do you make her realize that she’s slowly losing the ability to care for herself and she’s always misplacing her important documents? How do you assure her that your reason for not letting her drive herself and not letting her keep her own documents is not your plot to kill her slowly? How?

It’s hard enough to accept that your own mother is slowly deteriorating and will 1 day not remember your name. How fast or slow will the deterioration be? No one knows, but you wish it never happens. Everyday, you wish you will wake up to the same old mom you are so used to. The one that used to cook for you, care for you when you’re sick and scream at you when you’re dressed like a tard.

On better days, things seem so fine and dandy. You’re so happy you’re alive and so is she. That she’s still with you by your side everyday. But on bad days, where she can’t even remember the conversation you had with her 3 seconds ago, it gets really stressful. She asks you the same questions at least 5 times, she forgets where she kept her glasses which she insisted on putting in some hidden corner that she doesn’t want to let you know about, then asks you where YOU’ve kept it. That’s when the fights break out and you wish you could just die from a heart attack from the fight there. And she wishes you were dead too.

Sometimes I really wish it was my brain that was going. That way I wouldn’t be able to comprehend what’s really going on.

The fact that all your sisters are having their own lives in other countries and the rest of them are also going crazy and feeling the need to balance their stressful work lives doesn’t help. Everyone’s trying to get on with their own lives without feeling the difference the deterioration happening to our mom is making. All these wouldn’t help.

I know I need help. But what help and how? I honestly can’t figure it out.

I remember asking Bam why do I have to be the one that goes through this? Why is it that most of my close friends have both of their parents alive and still able to care for themselves? Why do they not have a worry about the world other than their own well-being? And I have to deal with a dead father at 11 and a mom that is at the verge of going completely forgetful? He said because I was strong and God knows I can handle it.

But I am not? I’m not strong at all and I wish I could be just like everyone else. I want to be weak and unable to handle anything, to have both parents alive and happy to still take care of me like I was their little girl, giving me things I need, where no one expects anything from me other than to take care of myself. I want to be that.

Like feeling that way is not enough, I decided to go onto Facebook to see how my exes are doing. I'd be blatantly honest, I've had 4 bfs, 3 exes in my entire life, those that mattered anyway. Out of those 3 exes, 2 are married and working in foreign lands making 5 figure salaries, 1 of those 2 is about to have a kid and the last one looks like he's ready to get married anytime soon and have recently gone on holidays in Tokyo and Sipadan.

Well, they are exes, and I am happy for them that they're happy with their wives and kids. BUT I can't help feeling competitive. I mean, I should be the one that's married with kids and holidaying in Tokyo and shopping with my original LV Damier Carry All. While they suffer and die with a heart break for the rest of their lives! It's the other way round now, they're happy and married and I'm struggling...struggling to get a balance of family and work and relationship. And I'm feeling sour about it... so sour I think I can swallow a lime whole and not taste it.

But you know what? I'll just take credit for it. I'll take it that the times they were with me, changed them so much and groomed them up for a better them now. Yea man, my being mean then, pushed them for the better. That must be the reason. I should be so proud of myself! :p

Sigh, every now and then I break down and go mad and sad. And I don’t know how to handle it but I thank God for Bam for being with me when I do and patiently look at me while I throw my hissy fits. Today I can't throw my hissy fits, 'cos Bam is still in Frankfurt now about to board the plane to come home. Can he hurry up please? Don't know what I'd do without him.

I'm sorry I am arrogant

2010-04-22T23:13:00.002+08:00

I am feeling absolutely insulted, I shouldn't be 'cos I should not be proud.

BUT comparing to the ability to work of this person, I felt absolutely insulted. I would've been fine if it was someone else. BUT him? please... I don't think I even wanna share the same biz contacts with him. To me he is that unworthy.

No one else around me feels the same, but that's how I feel all this while about this person. Sorry... absolutely no respect for the guy professionally. grr... gross why did he even bother telling me?

Not hairbands!

2010-04-16T14:36:00.002+08:00

Guys, when we say take a cue from gay guys to dress suave and nice, we don't mean the hairbands!

It's cute when u're hanging around in the house and just out of the shower... but not in public places...

Seee... even beckham looks bad in it... what more a normal guy?

Pao's life currently in 8

2010-04-01T15:54:00.003+08:00

1. Getting baptized coming Saturday night. Those interested, come to SIC and witness this glorious event. New name is Margaret Joan. Chose Joan for confirmation name 'cos I know I aspire to have her faith, courage and strength in going through what she had to because she BELIEVED.
2. Got a new job with Astro!
3. Over the past few months friends got diagnosed with cancer and I have no idea what I can do for them other than offering words of comfort and prayers. I wish there was more I know I can do.
4. I lost 6 pounds in 2 weeks but believe can easily gain back if don't keep exercising. Need to join Fitness First soon.
5. 3 out of my 6 gups died, cause of death unknown. Suspected cannibalism. Fishies don't like me.
6. Mom going in and out of her arthritis, wish again that I can do more to make her feel better.
7. Sister depressed and in a dilemma, wish for wisdom and strength to help her feel better too.
8. There's no one in American Idol this year that's making me even bothered to watch when I chance upon it while flipping channels.

My 2 cents for those who wants to start their own online business and needs a payment gateway.

2010-03-03T10:58:00.007+08:00

Click to enlarge

I recently did some research on how to get paid for my online business other than the obvious transfer of cash from account to account.

Made a couple of calls to a few selected banks as well as some online research, documented it in the excel sheet attached. Click on the image to enlarge please.

In order for us to be able to accept credit card payments we would need to apply to be a merchant with a bank. However, in order to qualify, there are a couple of criteria to meet. Some banks require that the company be registered for at least a number of years, and have a transaction amount of a certain value every month. In addition to that it also requires monthly rental / deposit payments as a merchant (this is because most merchants will still require a credit card slotting machine).

One other thing highlighted is most of the account managers weren’t too keen to deal with online merchants as they mentioned that the approval process is a lot more stringent due to many fraud cases.

The best option for us is still to use a payment gateway. As there is less criteria and if you look at ipay88, there are 12 different payment modes for the customers to choose from. However, if we do not require so many, Paypal looks good as the charges are per transaction only with no other additional charges required.

Since the company I’m researching for is registered and should have a pretty steady income, we opted to explore further on iPay88.

iPay88 is different from the usual payment gateway like Paypal which requires payers to also have an account with them before payment is allowed. With iPay88, the payer can pay directly by only submitting their credit card details via the interface on their page.

To apply for iPay88 merchant account, the below documents are required:

1. iPay88 Application Form

2. Website Compliance Check List

3. Supporting documents

a. Photocopy of a Director’s Identity Card / Passport

b. Bank Statements – latest 3months (front page only)

c. Form 9

d. Form 24

e. Form 49

f. Form 13 (if any)

4. A Cheque made payable to “MOBILE88.COM SDN. BHD.” for iPay88 Setup Cost (RM488) and 1 year maintenance fee (RM500).

5. Withdrawal is a minimum of RM100.00 and payout is every 5 working days from cut-off day (Sunday)

Cost/fees

1. In addition to the annual Maintenance fee per transaction fees are as below:

· 3% for new entry.

· Transaction of at least RM50,000/mth rebate 0.2%

· Transactions of at least RM100,000/mth rebate 0.4%

· There are no fees on transactions with disputes and charge back.

Technical integration is said to be very simple and made up of only HTML. There are a few choices on how it should be integrated.

1. Shopping cart integration (check out point is on our Jobscentral itself).

a. API provided

b. External shopping cart required.

c. After integration, we can do testing until we’re ready to go live. During live testing only transactions of RM1 is allowed. This RM1 will be refunded.

2. Virtual cart (check out on ipay88).

a. API provided.

b. On front end, a button will appear on Jobscentral but upon payment, user will be directed to ipay88 website for checkout.

3. No integration (email for payment).

a. For telephone solicited customers

b. We can use ipay88 to send email to bill clients and they can click on the email and be brought to check out page where they enter credit card details to make payment.

Support is local where any issues can be brought to customer support team via e-mail or call.

They also offer additional services if required includes:

· Automated Fraud Screening

· Fraud Monitoring

Other information:

- They have had Singaporean merchants as well with no issues with speed or integration reported whatsoever.

- There is no difficult and complicated contract to worry about. We can choose to terminate the account with one (1) month notice in advance.

1, 2, 3, is not that simple

2010-02-28T15:34:00.003+08:00

1. I have an immense weakness when it comes to organizing and prioritizing things. My brain works all over the place.
2. I have close to 0...... wait... I mean I have 0 tolerance to people who shares no passion or care over my well-being. Yes I'm a bitch that way. As much as I like to whine, I always (at least most of the time) only whine about things that I have no control over. So when I encounter friends whom I whine to but has already turned a deaf ear over my pain and miserable recollection of past regrets, I get upset. VERY UPSET. UPSET at the fact that I lend an ear to listen to everyone whom I consider a friend's whining no matter how many times, UPSET at the fact that they assume I was just whining without having already done all I can. DO NOT PRESUME ME!
3. I want a pet rabbit but i can't stand their need to hump any furry thing in sight...

I know... if you're reading this and thinking WTF is she trying to say? Don't worry and don't bother trying to find out. It's just a random post of my rant for the week.

Peace

ps: if you're in anyway interested to know. I'm 129lbs! baby elephant weight HOLY CRAP!

small cock syndrome

2010-02-22T08:48:00.001+08:00

I'm forever amazed at people who has small cock syndrome even though technically they have no cock.

My brain is going a little dead, so is my heart

2010-01-25T11:20:00.005+08:00

I'm not having the best times with my job selections for the past year. Partly because I come across as so independent that only companies that require a 1 member marketing team seems interested to hire me. (I'm just being sarcastic).

I mean, it's rather strange don't you think? I want to get into a marketing role. One would think that to get in, you'll probably start from taking instructions then proceed to know what is good and what is not. HOWEVER, so far all the marketing jobs I have managed to grab are those that thinks I am ready to plan and run at the same time. Which I am glad to take up with the challenge BUT would very much be happier to know that I don't have to do all the running around, designing of edms, banners and copywriting, contacting of suppliers, plan and QC and establishing corporate contact at the same time.

I think I have to admit. I suck at multi-multi tasking. I like planning. I like executions, just not both at the exact same time. Especially when it means having 10 execution jobs, 5 planning jobs all at the same time. I'm on the edge already... I'm losing hope. Is there really ever gonna be that job that I would rather die than to lose? If there is, where is it?

I watched the show that depicts the life of Karol Józef Wojtyła the man better known as Pope John Paul II. It is a touching movie about the difficult lives during world war 2 in Poland. And there is a scene where he was asking his friend who is a priest (this was before Karol became a priest) if it was a calling to him since he feels lost as he sees the pain and suffering around him. That his own dreams were shattered one by one. Is it a calling to him to help those in pain.

I don't think my suffering is as extreme as those he encountered. As a matter of fact, it is no where near. But I can't help to wonder the same thing he did, that perhaps the direction and 'dreams' i have for myself are perhaps not the direction that was meant for me? What then is the right direction? I wish I knew. I want to know. I need to know

Updates on what's been going on

2010-01-18T21:59:00.004+08:00

Wah, I just saw my last post was Dec 22, 2009. Almost a month of no-updates kakaka... Was I really that busy?

I suppose. From Christmas's PD trip with the whole Quek clan onwards, I haven't been able to sit down and update anything. Even now I'm kinda forcing myself to 'cos I'm so- so - so sleepy.

So, what's been happening? PD trip happened, it was crazy, first time I actually enjoyed playing in the pool with kids, it was great de-stress therapy. It's so rare that we get to get together, especially with all the elder sisters having kids and their other obligations, so it sure is nice seeing each other again and spending time together. The kids are growing up so fast tho. Really missed those days they were still learning to walk. sigh... time passes so quickly.

Then of course every Tuesday there is RCIA, I think my journey is going well. There are times that I lose it and start blaming God about every single thing that's going wrong but I also find myself being able to focus on the good more often nowadays. Which, I think is a good thing that came out of these classes. Now the same issue is just gnawing at me. How's my mom gonna handle it? We'll leave that for another day.

Started with work in my new company, we run a job portal and I'm to plan on how to market it to Malaysians. So far, it's been alright, just a bit unsure of how or what my boss really wants sometimes as she seem to want everything in so little time and so little money. I'm trying very hard to make her keep focus on only 1 objective. Colleagues are really great, very helpful and as we're a small team we understand the need to work with each other. Only thing is there isn't anyone within the office that we can consult for advice and so we're really running about like headless chickens sometimes doing what we think is right.

Then, I finally bought my car. Nah, didn't get a Honda Jazz, which I reallllly like. But after much pondering and all, I've decided to get the Suzuki Swift instead. 2.5% interest rate at 73k with 2.3k discount and it's a brand new car with 3 years warranty and free service! While if I was getting the Jazz, it'd probably be 3.8% interest rate at 75k with no discount and it's a 2 year car with no warranty on the parts.

Should be getting it this Thursday and I really can't wait.... grrr

Tony Roma's pork ribs copy cat recipe

2009-12-21T11:26:00.004+08:00

This is the first year my family's having a Christmas party. Still deciding on whether to do bbq, or cook. If we're cooking, this will be one of my dishes.

Ingredients

2 1/4 cups ketchup
2 1/4 cups vinegar
2 1/8 cups honey
4 1/3 teaspoons sugar
1 1/8 teaspoons salt
5/8 teaspoon garlic powder
5/8 teaspoon onion powder
5/8 teaspoon Tabasco sauce
8 2/3 lbs baby back ribs

Directions

Combine all but ribs. Heat over high heat until boiling. Reduce heat, simmer 30-40 minutes until thick.
Coat 4 pounds of baby back pork ribs, front and back, with BBQ sauce.
Wrap ribs in aluminum foil. Bake at 300°F for 2 - 2 1/2 hours.
Remove ribs from foil and smother with more sauce, grill for 10 minutes.

Care for a beer?

2009-12-15T12:25:00.002+08:00

Would you like some Carlsbery Can? It's bery good. If not, maybe a Stout Can? I heard they're quite chewy.

Saw this in a place called Tramcar in PJ. Please don't ever go there! They have no clue what is the most basic of Aglio Olio is. There's no chilly flakes in it, there's no garlic in it, there's no basil leaves in it... the only part of a normal aglio olio that was in their version was the pasta. Aiyoyo...

Why is it different in the animal kingdom?

2009-12-15T12:04:00.006+08:00

Even in cartoons it's always beauty with the beast. Have you heard of a cartoon called the Gorgeous Prince with the Pimply girl? Our minds are poisoned I tell you!

As usual I was on Facebook, my favorite pass time lately. As I was doing my things, I saw a couple of updates from friends where there were weddings, visits to Broga hills, etc. Nothing out of the ordinary, happy faces, and most of the time couples.

Then it hit me. Why is it that a majority of the couples are made up of girls who are slim, tall, pretty and considerably good looking and the guy in tow, normally errr (pardon me for the search for a less detrimental term) not so good looking? I mean yea, there are instances where the guy is a superbly wonderful person and that's understandable. But a majority? Are women just more forgiving and just better at seeing thru that external entity called the skin and men are still stuck in neanderthal mentality of stopping at skin deep?

Look at the animal kingdom. Male lions need to have a full head of mane and perfect physique to get the females to even give them a glance, male birds need to have beautiful feathers and some needs to dance in order to attract a female and even Betta fishes, the males have to be close to perfection before the female decides if she wants to kill him or mate with him. So, why is it different from us?

Mind you, most of the time these guys are not RICH as alot of you guys might want to think they are. Anyone care to enlighten me?

Gonna take it

2009-12-15T11:56:00.002+08:00

Decision is made. Will take the job. Hopefully for the best. Spoke to Yoyo yesterday, an old school mate who coincidentally works in the place I'm supposed to go. She said environment ain't bad, of course don't expect the excitement like the agencies, but overall the bosses are nice, people are generally nice, politics are like everywhere else, might be a bit tough as I'm in charge of a start-up but should be able to get the support I need.

In totality, the place is quite alright. She used to work in a internationally reknowned club in town, I suppose if she can take the environment, it shouldn't be too hard for me.

Tough decisions

2009-12-13T22:45:00.004+08:00

A week has passed and I realized I am no where nearer or clearer in my decision on whether or not to take the job. The prospects of making some mo' and be back in the position to get my Jazz, is very tempting but I am a tad bit worried that I may be taking 1 step forward and 3 steps back. I am really afraid of saying Adios and happily running away not looking back, then ending up running a circle and going back to wherever I was in the first place.

Riceball says I should go ahead and give it a try, who knows, there may be pleasant surprises awaiting. And of course, I am also getting pressured by his side of the family, my sister as well as some friends (I may be imagining it from the tone of their voices, but it affects me). However, I'm still very skeptical.

I mean, what if there are no pleasant surprises? Then what? I am kinda tired running around. Really, I am. And the worst case is, I realized it's getting harder and harder to make decisions as I grow older. I'm not sure if it's just ourselves making it complicated or is life REALLY getting more complicated? Why can't I make decisions like I used to anymore? Where's that confidence that I had when I had conviction in every single argument and fight I have or those days I say 'yes' or 'no' with a blink of an eye and never looked back? Why have I gone soft? Why am I letting voices around me affect my decisions?

Is this what is called maturity or is this just plain indecision and fear of making the wrong choice? Have I gone backwards? Is there something wrong with me? Where's that "Just do it, fuss later" principle?

Spoke to Piper bout this issue. She agreed with my doubts and it's not easy to get in and out of a place just like that. But she did ask if I had a back up plan. Which I have none. So, I'm kinda stuck at deciding if I should grab this one then continue hunting or forget about this and just focus on finding THE Job. Job hunting has been a nightmare for me this year and I really hope if I don't find one that feels right this year, at least find it in the very near next year.

I know I should have faith because I know things will always work out. Not now, not in a week, maybe not even in months (I hope not) but it will eventually. That's how life works right? You can't be in a dump your whole life. Neither will you be in cloud nine forever. There's always ups and downs. And hopefully the downs can be heading upwards REAL soon.

What's your priority

2009-12-08T10:48:00.003+08:00

During the course of my job search over the years, one thing keeps coming up during my downest moments. I'll get multiple phone calls from friends who's been missing and not calling for years out of the blue. And the topic of discussion is: they've gotten some job offers and which one I would advice them to take.

I always took this as a joke from heaven. I mean this year wasn't the first time it's happened. I've had this happening to me many times in my life and it's not just jobs. Every time I really want something or need something and have resigned to the fact that I will need to work super hard in getting it and not get upset, I get a call, or sometimes few calls to tell me point blanc that someone is getting the exact same thing now. To beat that, they have a few choices to choose from and I know for a fact that these people didn't have to work HALF AS HARD AS I HAVE TO. I can never understand what that message is. Up til now I still don't.

Of course, it's not like I don't get any. Just that I have to work triple hard to get it and I don't even get the exact thing I want. I get consolations. I'm an ass for comparing like this. I mean look at the fellas sweeping the highways, I'm sure he works 3 times harder than me and he's not getting what he wants either, and he's probably not complaining. I don't want to either. BUT WHY IS IT THAT SOMEONE HAS TO COME TO MY FACE TO TELL ME THAT THEY'RE GETTING WHAT I WANT WITHOUT THE WORK? WHY TELL IT TO MY FACE THAT SOME PEOPLE JUST HAVE IT EASY THROUGH OUT THEIR LIVES? WHY? Do I not already know that?

Now back to jobs. You see, I have found a job. But I'm not exactly sure if I want to take it cos it isn't exactly what I've been looking for. It's not the industry I want, it's not the environment I want and it certainly isn't the kind of company I want but the people seem nice and they are paying me what I asked for. You noticed how many I's is in that sentence? I know I'm selfish but I'm kinda tired of running in head-on only to find out that I've dented my skull and am going dumb from non-excitement over the job. I am really worried that I will be one of those passionless people who do their jobs simply because it's the job and take no pride in whatever I do. I don't want to hit the brakes again and jump out of the car AGAIN!

So it goes back to what are the priorities? How would you arrange it?
1. Money
2. Environment
3. People
4. The work
5. Reputation
6. Prestige
7. Location of office
8. Parking
9. Work-life balance
10. Gut feel (like you have a gnawing feeling it's a bad idea)

Day of food misadventures

2009-11-27T11:34:00.004+08:00

It was mommy's birthday yesterday, so, being the only daughter in town and had time to bring her around, I brought her for food. Sadly, the food didn't turn out the way I expected it.

1st, started off with Yuen Garden dimsum... never been a true fan, BUT yesterday the food was soooo below par, I actually asked to see the boss who just so happen to not be around. The food was bland, pai guat, kai keuk, every single dish was BLAND. grrr... such disappointment.

Then lunch time, headed to the Gardens, (I originally wanted to go for pig stomach soup in Kedai Makanan Kinrara as recommended here. But changed mind 'cos had to head to Sentral to watch the paint men do their work in sis's apartment).

Anyways, thought I'd give Ding Tai Feng a 2nd try after the disastrous 1st try of their 'siu long bao' (I felt their pao was too dry).

This time I didn't bother with the 'siu long bao'. We ordered siu bak choy, pepper pork chop and an appetiser of jelly fish. The jelly fish was refreshing, siu bak choy and pork chop, blah... the portions were so small, even small eaters like me and mom didn' have enough. Added one sweet sour chicken which was so so only. Amounted to RM60. Steep and not satisfying... sigh... totally gonna wipe this place out of my list of to go's.

After that jalan jalan in Megamall, then stopped by to get some nyonya kuih from this Chinese lady at one of the stalls. The onde onde and the bingka ubi is GREEEAT!

Then stopped at Jonker something... in Gardens for dessert before going back. UTTER DISAPPOINTMENT. I THINK I CAN MAKE BETTER DESSERT LA! SHITTY. The bak gor fuchuk, was totally watered down, felt starchy and yuckers. Mango lolo, gosh, at least give a bit of effort to make it look presentable la... it's so ugly I couldn't even muster the effort to take a picture. Damn it people! take pride in your work can ah?

Then comes dinner time. Decided to just go for familiar things. Headed for Thai Thai in Pyramid (mom didn't want Western when I suggested). Ordered deep fried garoupa in sweet and sour sauce, Tom Yam and stir fried baby kailan. The fish was good when it was hot, then it went bland. Tom Yam was bland and kailan was good. So-so la. Still abit disappointed. But well can't do much about it.

At least mom's happy. That's all that matters.

Braised Pork Trotter-(Bou Chu Sau)

2009-11-27T11:11:00.002+08:00

Ingredients:
1 x BBQ Pork trotter (Siu Chu Sau)
15 cloves of garlic
1.5 tbs sugar
1.5 tsp salt (change according to preference)
3 tbs thick soy sauce
6 mugs water
ajinomoto
5 little petals of 'pat gok'
6 medium sized dried Chinese mushroom

Method:
1. Soak then put mushroom over stove. Bring to boil. Off fire then let it sit for 1/2 hour.
2. Cut off mushroom legs, squeeze water out of mushrooms and rinse twice. Make sure no sand left.
3. Heat wok with oil, throw in 3-5 cloves of garlic which have been smashed by clover (remove skin).
4. Put in mushroom to fry about 1 minute. Add 'pat gok'.
5. Put bbq trotter in and fry with oil.
6. Add thick soy sauce. Stir fry 2 minutes.
7. Slowly add water. Continue to stir. Let simmer.
8. Add salt, sugar and ajinomoto. Simmer.
9. Transfer to pot. Add remaining water. Make sure water just covers all contents of pot.
10. Taste and add sugar or salt according to preference.
11. Boil in low fire for 1/2 hour.

Serves 3-5 pax

I've got an interview

2009-11-25T11:39:00.003+08:00

I'm kinda worried 'cos the job that I'm heading to for an interview isn't exactly my forte. I mean, I'm going to interview at this company that does University publications. Well, I have the fundamentals like understanding the audience and so on, ideas on events etc. BUT is this really the place to go?

I'm not too sure. Just ain't too sure bout much nowadays. It is the end of the year, things are sluggish and well, ain't too bright I think.

Economy getting better? I think I better not even bother about that anymore, seems like it's all just hearsay. I guess I better grab anything I can as long as I don't have to slave 16 hours in front of mad bosses. Gotta find that satisfaction. But how? God, lead me please.

This Sunday is my Cathecumen rites day. I'm turning into a Cathecumen, am still struggling to know how to break the news to mom without her having to freak. I shall hold back still, at least til I get a clear sign it is time.

And that is fine!

2009-11-24T15:55:00.003+08:00

The day started as usual, but strangely this flu thingy that's blurring my head is giving me some sort of peace. Something I haven't felt before for a long long time.

Lunch was with mom in Manhattan Fish Market Subang Parade. I wasn't as bitchy as I normally is, no one pissed me off. Peace.

Then just walking around the place I bumped into 2 ex colleagues who are on leave. Said hi, they asked how I was and I said 'I'm good, just jobless' and his reaction was something that was well, very refreshing, instead of a "how come?" he just said "and that is fine!" It's just a phrase that probably didn't mean much, but I really appreciated it. It gave me even more peace.

Oh only thing that didn't give me peace is my house, things are falling apart and they need repairing.

Nose and throat is getting in the way

2009-11-20T10:50:00.001+08:00

It's already a month and my nose and throat is still problematic... YYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?

New fishies - casualty numero uno

2009-11-15T23:20:00.002+08:00

Albino twins is now just albino boy. The younger boy is dead, not sure if he was bullied til he died or if he died of natural causes. Sigh... still struggling to understand what's wrong with my aquarium or me.

Probably should try RO water like suggested... but so expensive leh... But then I paid 20 bucks for 2 rocks just to create a cave for these guys, so what's RM3 for a bottle of 5 liter RO water right?

Will do that for the next change. About the bullying, I think I've resigned to the fact that fishes will remain fishes and it's gonna be survival of the fittest. So good luck albino, looks like you guys are fish bait 'cos the ah long twins and mungbean seems like they're just out there to establish their rule over the whole tank!

The inconvenience of getting paid

2009-11-12T20:16:00.002+08:00

I spent 1.5 hours trying to cash out on my Google adsense payment via Western Union. Why? because apparently, just because a bank has the sign "Western Union" in front of the entrance, does not mean you can cash out your money.

Take Public Bank for example. They have Western Union BUT they only accept transactions from 70 countries and out of that 70 countries, US of A is not included. And Google, just so happens to be an American company. You'd think they'd have the courtesy to inform you of that before you head to the counter to submit the form that you completed with your details.

Ah well, yea I wasted half an hour there. Then I headed over to CIMB. Thankfully their Western Union had no issues with transfers from the US of A. and so I happily filled in my details in the form and the reception girl happily helps me press for a number.

I take the number and head upstairs. There were only 5 people on this floor waiting. my number was to be next in line. BUT it took them 20 minutes to get to me. Is there no SOP that says you have to attend to a customer in queue by 10 minutes max? Oh, the other one hour is spent trying to find a parking spot after realizing that Public Bank can't help me.

Anyhow, I shall be grateful I got my payment and stop whining now.

Jazz vs Myvi

2009-11-08T18:08:00.002+08:00

Thanks to all the advices from everyone, I've shortlisted to a 2nd hand Honda Jazz and a brand new Myvi.

Deal is, if I am unable to find a tip top conditioned Honda Jazz of 2006-2008 in the region of below RM75K by next weekend, I shall get the cheapest Myvi.

Cools? Cools.

Was vacuum cleaned

2009-11-08T17:59:00.004+08:00

I was at Philip Wain bout 4 hours ago. Sister went for Aromatherapy massage, I went for Cellu M6 IP/ST massage. Basically what this massage for me does is using a suction technique to induce deep tissue massage.

Here's how it's done.
1. First I have to wear a white cat suit.
2. Then I lie on the massage bed face down.
3. Then I heard the sound of a machine starting
4. Then I felt my skin getting vacuumed through the suit (it's not your household vacuum cleaner kind of vacuum. It felt like industrial vacuums). That's such a weird feeling. It's like getting pinched continuously.

It went on for 1 hour. Apparently it's effective for cellulite and breaking down fats. Quite an experience, but I have no intention of going back for more.

Farewell pumpkin!

2009-11-02T01:07:00.002+08:00

A tribute to my loyal 7 year-old Proton Satria aka Pumpkin. May your new owner love & treat you as well as I do. Lots of great memories were made in this car. Despite the fact that I was working very hard to find a buyer, I never knew selling your car can feel so sad. Last Thursday I held back tears sending my car off with the new owner.

I wish both of them all the best.

* I hope I get my check really soon too.

merry go round only not so merry

2009-10-25T17:55:00.002+08:00

Emo*. If life was a roller coaster instead at the very least there are the thrills and spills and heart dropping moments. Then when you get off, you can look back at the silly thrills and laugh about it.

But mine's a merry-go-round. It is painful. You just sit there marvelling at the pretty horses for the first 3 minutes, go in circles, realise the pretty horses have dents and paint peeling off, and then you end up exactly where you started. Then you wonder why the heck you wasted a whole 5 minutes on that stupid ride that you know is not gonna give you anything worth remembering. And you know what's the worst? It kinda taints your childhood memories when the horses looked so much better and you used to enjoy the ride so much more.

Talk about ridiculous requests

2009-10-15T15:19:00.002+08:00

Yes, it's my fault for reading the Malaysian papers. I just can't help it sometimes, it is the most accessible reading source you know.

Anyways, I read this and i LOLed. It's in this article in The Star entitled "Government must make a stand on Indonesian Maid issue". All was fine and dandy until it went to a line that said "Rosnah proposed that the government makes the job of a maid interesting by introducing terms such as domestic consultant, domestic supervisor or domestic assistant" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Sorry. I'm jumping the gun. Care to explain why introducing new names to the position of maids will make the job any more interesting? Like, if I was an account manager but in actual fact i'm doing sales assistant's job, does it really make it any more interesting? Nicer to see but isn't it the same job at the end of the day?

Then it doesn't end there you know!

Sabah Puteri chief Musliati Moslimin called on the Government to set up special fund to help young women interested in business. "The fund must function as a starting fund for young women who are serious about starting a business. It should have a simple application process for funds and these women should be advised from the start to the end on how to start a business" she said.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAA. Sorry jumping the gun again. But from that passage, I get the feeling she sounded like she's saying this.

If any young women say she want to do business, government please give her the money. Don't ask so many question also you know, 'cos she might not have the answer. Give her the money first. then ah... when she's doing the business that time, please have someone on standby to teach her how business should be done wor so to make sure she succeeds ya otherwise it's all your fault.

As perfect a government like that sounds. Damn, I also want to do business wat. I'm a young woman. If the government agreed to this I can try to get that help too wat. BUT, do we really want to spoon feed our young women? Do we, the young women really want to be spoon fed like that? Has it occurred to you if you can't figure out how to do your own business, perhaps you ARE NOT MEANT TO DO BUSINESS? DAMN, you wanna do something work hard for it. Don't stand there and demand for it like the world owed u a damn thing!

Well, perhaps this were not what they meant in their speeches. Maybe it's just the newspaper that twisted their stories. Sorry if I made anyone upset with my comments.

Fishy Nation wipeout - Chapter 2

2009-10-09T09:49:00.004+08:00

They're all dead. Angel, blackie and the rest of those in the 18L tank are all dead. Out of 11 fishes, there's only 4 survivors. 2 blue platies, 1 sunset sailfin who killed his partner and 1 mackerel lookalike. Ick got the rest of them. RIP.

Bettaboy's behaving strange lately, I think he's dying of old age. They say bettas can only last max 2 years. I probably bought him back at 1 year old. It's kinda sad seeing him just 'hang' around the leaves. He used to rush up to the surface whenever he hears the 'crack' of the lid when I open it up to put his favorite wormy meals. Now, he just stares into space.

There is no evident sign that he's sick or anything. He's not swimming sideways, no white spots, not falling to the bottom of the tank. None of the common diseases. He's just 'stoning'. And he looks really depressed. Sigh... I really hope he snaps out of it soon.

Fishy nation wipe-out!

2009-09-24T00:35:00.003+08:00

This is just so sad. As we speak my fish is slowly dying. There has been an 'ich' outbreak. 6 fishes died 1 day after another.

I'm speechless. I've put in a dose of general aid. Probably will wake up tomorrow to change the water and hope for the best.

Why I wonder Why

2009-09-23T08:52:00.002+08:00

Why does it feel like I don't give a shit? So what if Dell has purchased Perot Systems? Who the fuck is Perot Systems anyways? Why do I not fucking care if Gen M story is outdated and Cenqin is suggesting that a new one be on the way? Why am I so freaking annoyed with what EVERYONE HERE HAS TO SAY?

Why do I hate everything they suggest or say? WHY? Why do I hate justifying myself over a matter of RM400? Why is there lucky draw in an event? Well, 'cos we want to appreciate their attendance AND we want them to freaking stay til the end of the event. Just state your stand and if he disagrees fuck it!

3 attacks of the blur monster in 1 day

2009-09-15T14:17:00.003+08:00

Incident 1

I: I realized I wasn't the only one that was nervous during the meeting yesterday morning.
J: What meeting?
I: Sales meeting yesterday.
J: When?
I: Yesterday.
J: Oh, how can you tell.
I: The rest of the presenters all had shaking hands.
J: Huh, smokers hands will shake? who says?
I: ??? what?
J: you say smokers have shaking hands?
I: I didn't say that, I said all the speakers were NERVOUS. WHAT SMOKER?
J: Oh.

Incident 2:

After a long discussion about local cars.
I: But I've come to a point in my life where I just don't want to consider local cars anymore. Although sometimes they can be tempting 'cos of the price.
J: Go get a ... there that big proton... not perdana, which one already ah?
I: err... I dunno.
J: Pesona! It's nice and cheap.
I: Yea it's quite cheap but I don't think it's nice and I don't need a long sedan. I like younger looking cars.
J: It's nice and cheap and comfortable.
I: But I don't think it's nice and I don't need a Sedan. Unless if it's a Peugeot 407 or Mazda 6. I'm quite picky when it comes to cars.
J: Then you should negotiate with your boss.
I: Get him to give me his car?
J: No. Just negotiate with him.
I: huh??? about wat?
J: err... just talk to him about your opinion on cars la.
I: ok.... ???

Incident 3

I: In France there was 23 suicides in 18 months.
J: 23 what?
I: Suicides
J: oh for wat?
I: they got laid off at work.
J: In SAS?
I: Of course not! it's just something I read in the newspapers.
J: Oh, is that important? (sarcastically). doesn't matter.
I: Well, everything that happens are important to know.
J: Is it in Malaysia?
I: Sigh... no it's in France.
J: So it's not important la.

Blurity and indifference. EQ sucks. Going insane sitting near to such people.

Sigh... God help me.

Random pictures from the recent past

2009-08-23T20:16:00.005+08:00

Some STOOPID irresponsible father driving on a highway in KL with his daughter on his lap. How ignorant can city dwellers get? Do they forget that bad accidents DO happen?

My semi-retarded phone I was trying to let go for RM50. Had 2 fake bidders who bidded then disappeared into thin air. Gee, wonder who's holding a gun on their heads to bid for it?

The most expensive concert I've ever been to that was 1.5 hours long only. BUT it was well worth it.

Beautiful skyline after the concert

The best stall in the bazaar yet.

Some silly girl grinning into the camera at her stall

Some bad capoiera (did I spell it right?) performance. It was so boring that no one really paid attention. Sorry guys, appreciate the hard work tho'.

I AM FREAKING BLACKLISTING DIGITAL MALL

2009-08-19T22:47:00.002+08:00

FREAKING ASSHOLE SOLD ME A HEADSET PPL SELLING ON LELONG AT RM75 for RM100. FINE IT'S NOT HIS FUCKING FAULT, IT'S MINE COS I WAS SO STUPID TO HAVE THIS ONE TIME NOT GONE ON TO LELONG.COM and check out the price first. And the best part, the fucking headset is bloody badshape, I can't even have a conversation without repeating myself or saying HUH 5 times! No, I can't even change it 'cos I'm so freaking stupid I didn't keep the receipt 'cos I was so naive to think that I won't need to change it...

Why is it that everytime I decide to relax and just go with the flow, I run into ASSHOLES? From now on, I will never buy any freaking shit from digital mall. and you know what I will never buy anything above RM100 with anyone other than my sister and mom beside me. End of story. PLEASE DON"T BY B-SPEECH BLUETOOTH ISAS HEADSET. IT SUCKS!

I'm so sick of all these drama

2009-08-07T23:30:00.002+08:00

I dread reading the newspapers. Really... Not because of the tragedies, not because of stupid soppy stories about how great a Viva winner is to his girlfriend, but more of all the stupid unnecessary political drama that's going on and on and on and on....... And who is it benefiting? Everyone in the drama but the Rakyat.

Everyone in the parliament, I don't freaking give a shit about which party you're from. All of you preach the same thing. You want the best for the Rakyat.. BLAH BLAH BLAH. Then now you're fighting about STUPID RIDICULOUS ISSUES like if 7-eleven should sell beer?! OH MY GOD!!! MY LDP BRIDGE IS CRACKING and it's been cracking for almost a year! Can someone please re-assure me it's not another MRR2 and it won't collapse and kill hundreds of road users? NO. You're too busy fighting about the freaking beer issue. What about H1N1 and that stupid someone who actually told us not to panic 'cos we have alot of vaccine to go around? We have more than 10 deaths now! Is anyone in the parliament doing anything to make the situation better? No. Everyone is still too busy fighting about if Jemaah Islah Malaysia is an extremist party. Don't even let me get in to the rising crime rates... Come on lah!!!! If everyone can't work together... then peel the country apart la... let's do a Russia. I'm just so sick of this shit! Fight Fight Fight... can you all just do work??? Please........ I'm begging you all.

This is getting so stupid I vow to never read another day's newspaper.

Happy Birthday

2009-07-26T22:53:00.001+08:00

One Year older, One Year wiser, or at least that's what everyone is telling me. Me? Wiser? hahahaha... Happy Birthday to me!

Transformers 2 : Revenge of the Fallen

2009-07-17T00:02:00.006+08:00

I finally watched the show last week and was, well, OK. I didn't feel much other than I had to give them credit for the CGI. But that's all the credit the whole show was worth.

Why?
1) cos it didn't make sense anymore and felt like they took the phrase "Alien Form" a tad bit too far. It didn't even make Transformers the cartoon sense. 2) There was too little of Optimus Prime and Megatron. 3)It felt like it borrowed scenes from many blockbuster hits. 4) Optimus Prime didn't act like the Optimus Prime I've grown to like.

I tried searching for the scenes that felt like it was borrowed to complete this movie, but can't find so, I'll just put posters and the character that made me think of them.

1) Species - When did the Transformers evolved to the point they can make a robot look and feel human?

Robot girl vs Species Alien Girl

2) Bad boys - The annoyingly crappy attempt at making 2 likable robots really bored me 'cos I really felt all those moments would be much better spent if the Optimus Prime and Megatron were given more air time.

Bad boys vs. 2 annoying twin robots

3) Lord of the Rings - that scene where Shia LeBouf almost died and went into Transformers heaven reminded me of the scenes that happens everytime Frodo puts the ring on.

Frodo vs. Sam Witwicky

And finally, am I the only one that feels that a good decent great example of a Transformer like Optimus Prime will NEVER say something as mean as "YOU WILL FALL AND I SHALL RISE"? or anything in that context?

Verdict: Great CGI. But remind yourself you're no longer watching Transformers but a creation of some American screenwriter who's trying to make the whole story of Transformers his and American's.

I'll definitely not bother with the 3rd if there is ever gonna be 1. The end of all Transformers movies for me.